sitting in the airport waiting area in joburg now. and i am doing everything i can to stop thinking about leaving. but i am also trying to make the most of my time here... this last hour anyway. SIGH. ok. home & all that nonsense. but dubai first. (see the escapist rearing its ugly head?)

last night in SA.

oh. my. good. ness. how is this even possibleeeeeee. my last night in South Africa!! in 24 hours i'll be on a plane heading HOME. this is madness. seriously. i'm too far gone to even begin to imagine what home will feel like. my delayed reactions are kicking in already....
this sucks. 
ok. shall busy myself with other things now.

merrychristmas!

so... my christmas eve wasnt the best ever, but i'm in a really nice campsite next to Oranje River and i'm coming to the end of my 7-month adventure, i dont think there's anything worth complaining about.

on my way back to Pretoria after this few weeks with (part of) the family here & i'm excited! i feel like i'm going home... ok, i am going home to Singapore soon, but i meant home to Pretoria. not Tuksdorp, nor Hatfield, but just a familiar area with (some of) my friends. ach. i should just cut the nonsense of explaining all this, when i go home, it'll be ten times worse because i'll have to clarify & explain every single thing. i should print out big cards with the routine answers: yes, South Africa was awesome; no, it was safe, i didnt get mugged; yes, i attended classes; yes, the people there were an experience; yes, travelled to Zimbabwe, Bostwana, Mozambique & Swaziland; yadayadayada...

i cannot believe 7 months have passed already!! in just 47.5 hours i'll be on a plane flying out of here! noOoo... and then <48hrs after that i'll be HOME in hot humid Singapore. eeks. not a good time for a panic attack either. ok. going to enjoy my 2nd last night here watching the stars!

today.

me & my big mouth....... refer to a post earlier:
"somersault in sand, check. somersault in water, check. i would very much like to leave out the somersault in air component. it would hurt less during the flip, but a lot more when landing. " 
update today: somersault in air, check. thankfully, the landing didnt hurt as much as logic & physics says it would. God did indeed keep us very safe. and i'm now in capetown. (:

being here actually feels overrated now. i'm just up the road from where our team spent 3 weeks sharing the God's love. and now, its so weird to walk the same streets, knowing that everyone else is at home. but i should probably stop emoing and remembering the city for what it was, and take this opportunity to experience the touristy side of it (even if im not much of a fan of touristy stuff). anw. its the wrong time for a trip down memory lane. i shall go read and sleep and recover from today. after experiences like this, i wish that my trust in God's ability to defy logic extended to more aspects of life.

ok. another day, another adventure.
my dad has this uncanny ability to get us into situations.
be it his fault or not.

counting.the.days....

i leave SA in 10 days. i reach home in 12 days. then 29th, 30th, 31st. and hello 2011.

that was like a uber brief summary of my last days of 2010. i'm looking forward to seeing all my friends again and 2011 promises to be another adventure with God. some plans are forming in my head already.

extreme sports.

hectic but awesomely fun few days.

sandboarding - very awesome when u are whizzing down a steep sand dune at full speed, a bit less awesome when u have to trudge back up again at a speed of take-2-steps-up-slide-1-step-down. i regret not continuing with my twice-weekly runs. really fun stuff and i ended up with sand everywhere! nose, ears, mouth... did a few tumbles & absolute wipeouts too, not on purpose. 

kitesurfing the next day, for four hours. it was indescribable. and also very humbling. it highlighted just how powerless humans are in comparison to God's creation and physical laws of nature. being harnessed to a 7m-sq kite (a small one) and learning how to control it is very enlightening - physically and spiritually. when a gust of wind picks up the kite, it invariably picks me up (on land) as well & distance becomes somewhat inconsequential.

and on water, well, i've flown over the water a few times (i was a little too aggressive with the maneuvers and it doesnt go well with poor kite control), and i did a full somersault+twists in the water when i got dragged out of control. it was pretty scary at that point in time & i understand better how slow-motion works now. heh. basically, i flew out of the water, somehow landed face-first head-down, my head hit the sandy bottom underneath my legs (in the air), got my legs entangled with the kite lines before i got my head up, and my bearings straightened out! the few words that went through my mind: crap! ok, thats sand, where are my legs, which way is up? and before i knew it, i'd done a full somersault in the water. 

somersault in sand, check. somersault in water, check. i would very much like to leave out the somersault in air component. it would hurt less during the flip, but a lot more when landing. 

today, as a reward for managing to stand up on my board after 4 hours of kite-handling & body-dragging (its a legit term & pretty fun!), and of course, the somersaulting, i have 2 huge bruises on my ribs and terribly aching arms. (even changing gear was hard!) heh. it probably signals a lack of fitness and/or a loose screw somewhere in my brain. (: 

although i intend to fix that screw tomorrow, when i attempt to ride an ostrich and crawl through tiny holes in a network of caves. this is such a different SA from what i've experienced for the last 6 months! 

on a sidenote, my dad is driving me nuts, although my tolerance level has increased considerably. 2 more weeks to home. i heard this song at the restaurant after a particularly tiring conversation/argument, and i missed home. as in, tuksdorp-pretoria-SA home and macpherson-hector home. enjoy (:
MichaelBuble-Home (because i dont know how to insert vids) 

i am having fun.

so, despite the bummed past few days, i was determined to enjoy my time in Africa.

glad to say, i did. (: 

took a little morning walk along the Wild Coast myself. it was just the wet rocks, steep cliffs, azure blue sea and me. (with my camera of course). it was awesome. wish we had stayed longer there. but the area was quite unsettling, i.e. traditional ancestral worship & witchdoctors (sangoma). 

anyhow, we left the backpackers for a nearby attraction: the hole-in-the-wall. it was literally, a hole in a small island-cliff just off the beach. took a short trek to reach it but the amazing beaches & surrounding bush were so beautiful that the journey was an attraction in itself!

and then, made our way to East London to meet up with dear old Jonothan from my outreach for dinner. i miss my Team Jaah-pahn! we had take out & sat by the beachfront talking. almost totally ignored my dad and brother for the entire 2hours, even though they were next to me. but i needed it, extended time with my dad in particular gets my nerves rather frayed. 

so, even with the night driving (or should i say, crawling) with constant comments from my dad that i'm "speeding" at 100km/h on a 120km/h road..... yes, it was a good day. & i hope tomorrow's great too. maybe sand-boarding or surfing? i'm done with trying to get either one excited/interested, and if they arent going/dont want to plan exciting stuff to do together, i cant help it. & even if the boundaries of this leg of my SA experience is very much limited, SA is still a huge adventure for me. so there. 

overrated.

but instead of ranting, i should probably just count. my. blessings.

even if right now, they seem like they can only be counted on one hand. 

so.. i am thankful that i get to see more of South Africa. (even if it is rather limited by paranoia & wishy-washy-ness & over-accommodation); i am thankful for the ally that i have in my brother (even if it does get rather annoying when he has no opinion on what to do, and overly strong opinions of church); i am thankful that i am not bald & am not at boiling point with my dad; and lastly, i am truly, truly thankful for the surprisingly great amount of patience that i have had thus far. it brings the concept of Christ's strength in my weakness to a very different application, one that i'd never have expected. 

so i am back in contact after 4 days of living in the mountains (ultra poor internet connection), and am now at coffee bay along the Wild Coast of SA. (: it is indeed wild. and it is beautiful. but, no thanks to the type of travel companions i have, the 3 approaches by weed & pot dealers + the hippie atmosphere/lifestyle + rain&cold = we leave this awesome place after just 1 night here. in favor of a tourist spot further south. my hopes of going cliff-jumping (jumping 14metres off a cliff, into the sea), have thus jumped off the cliff of expectations & have been dashed to pieces..... maybe, there still might be a teeny ounce of hope that i get to do that further south, but, for now, it looks like that activity is put off until my next adventure in the world. 

back to coffee bay, i'm at a backpackers that is situated at the foot of a cliff, right next to a river mouth that flows into the sea. its quiet, its full of character and its also, a very temporary abode. ok, so my contact lens has rolled somewhere into my eye for the umpteenth time today. that means i am blind in one eye until i get it out & it also means that maybe i should stop conversing with my blog and whoever reads this & get some sleep. i think its the lack of proper conversation for the last week or so thats causing this verbal diarrhea. 

goodnight world. i will be back with more nonsensical updates pretty soon, i expect.  

fears, faith, failure, but always, Grace.

am suddenly really afraid of going back home.

and its not an unfounded fear.

but it is unqualified, and it is unnecessary.
because i know, God is greater.
greater than my weaknesses, failures, shortcomings, stumbles.
greater than all my fears, real and imagined.
greater than the god i used to make Him out to be.

and while it absolutely terrifies me that i go home to vastly different circumstances and people,
i am equally comforted by the knowledge that i serve a God of grace; it is He that will do the work.

its a battle within, an ongoing conflict. every now and then, my faith is nowhere to be found, and i immerse myself in the scary thoughts of the many what-ifs. but eventually, (like now), there is grace for the moment. and i am reminded of all of God's promises to me, His grace, and His unfailing love. and then, i feel ready to go home and put this faith into practice.

today, i saw much of the amazing Drakensberg (literally translated as Dragon Mountains). it was breath-takingly beautiful. and i also saw the most beautiful backlit-mountains when the sun came through after a huge thunderstorm. last week, i saw & experienced (yet again) the mighty waves of the Indian Ocean. we took a boat out for an ocean safari and the waves were ginormous. it was indescribable! & the week before, i felt, heard and encountered the king of the jungle. admittedly, they were young ones, but i felt the lion's rough and gentle tongue licking me (i think i taste good) and i also had my slipper eaten.

tomorrow is as much of a mystery and an adventure that awaits. the day holds its challenges, but it just drives me closer to depend on God for grace, and patience, and love. and south africa is still awesome. cannot wait to go hiking and then swimming next to a waterfall tomorrow!

16 days left.

update

alive and well.
losing a bit of hair over the parent and the situations he gets us in, but other than that. safe. & rather enjoying the trip. (: a bit of excitement here and there as well. like a very unexpected night in the car, stranded at a remote border post high in the misty mountains of swaziland, ocean safaris, corrupt cops and etc.
tomorrow, its into the drakensberg for some biking and hiking. and maybe into lesotho as well.

africa is, well, africa.
and i'm loving it,
even with the nonsense of my fellow travellers. (:

its never nice.

so, i'm out of tuksdorp for good. it felt sooo weird to see a neat (and empty) room. the last time i saw my room like that was when i first moved in and i refused to unpack anything, and instead, i went to rent a car. i think it was only a few days later that i actually got down to unpacking...

anyway, i am exhausted.

[edit: exhausted and forgetful. whats new right. heh. i left tuksdorp on the morning of the day that i wrote this. and what a morning it was. after a night out, trying to bring my brother to zanzu and ending up i stones, i spent the rest of the night, morning really, burning photos, packing and reminiscing. slept for about 2 hours because, well, it was my last night there and the ceiling needs someone to admire it for a bit longer. just before i left, we got the car packed and ready to go, and i realised my housemate wasnt back yet. at first, i thought she was just asleep, but it turns out she didnt come home. haha. typical. i called her & she got back in time, and we said bye. i hate goodbyes. and i am never able to say anything. i am better at it now, but it still sucks. anyway, after all of that, i left tuksdorp for good. and on a 25day adventure of people and of southern africa. more specifically, with the parent. so... that teary-too-early-in-the-morning-and-too-brusque-goodbye marked the end of SEP2010. it was a time of learning, of fun and even of love. one of these days, i'll do a proper postmortem of the time there.]

last leg of sep.

this is the start of the 3rd leg of my sep: a one-month holiday trip with my dad and brother.
its been a busy few days. and, as usual, i'm just avoiding whatever i can.
tomorrow, its just the 3 of us. and, by the end of it... ...

happenings-wise, my brother got caught for staying over. but we got off with a warning. zz. of course right, leaving in 1 day already, what can they do?

anyway, i'm just really glad for all the experience i've had with saying my goodbyes. at the risk of getting immune and being overly callous about it, practice helps. especially seeing that, this is africa. and, who knows if i'll ever be back here again?

i really dont know. but, anyway, i hope the trip goes well. even with less than optimal company, i managed to have a really good spring break trip. i hope its the same here as well. every single day will be a test. but, something tells me that the very same days will bring grace in my life like never before. its always a new challenge ahead. this was coming, i would never have guessed that it would come in the form of a family holiday but... well, one thing im sure of is God's love is sufficient to sustain me even when i feel like crap.

ugc was ultra amazing.
tuks was eye-opening.
we will see what this brings.

today.

today. i lived. and i loved.
i lived through:
1. facing the inevitable & emptying my room of its knick-knacks
2. sleeping at 5am and getting up to do groceries and other misc tasks
3. an entire exhausting be-the-tour-guide-because-you-live-here day,
4. a talk with my dad about christianity, bbtc and greatergrace.

i loved:
1. nua-ing in the lousy foam bed and looking at my awesome ceiling (last time, or so i thought)
2. the companionship of my housemates and the fun we have together.
3. attempting to plead desperately/bribe the pharmacist to sell us malaria tablets without a prescription
3. being able to just hang out with mary-lou one more time (and, hopefully, not the last)
4. going out for drinks in hatfield square and just soaking in the atmosphere.
5. finding out that zanzu was closed and then, delaying my departure by ONE MORE DAY.

and i really love how God just somehow gives me the grace to get through the day. i started off being quite short-tempered and impatient and not in the best of moods. but, constantly praying and constantly asking for grace... well, it just worked out so much better than i could have done on my own.

thank You for this one more day in tuksdorp.
thank You for showing me in ways (that i only identify in hindsight) that You are there.
thank You for all the extra grace you're showering on me that gives me that much more faith.
thank You for loving me.

i may not have the best (earthly) dad in the world,
but i have the best Dad in the universe.