fears, faith, failure, but always, Grace.

am suddenly really afraid of going back home.

and its not an unfounded fear.

but it is unqualified, and it is unnecessary.
because i know, God is greater.
greater than my weaknesses, failures, shortcomings, stumbles.
greater than all my fears, real and imagined.
greater than the god i used to make Him out to be.

and while it absolutely terrifies me that i go home to vastly different circumstances and people,
i am equally comforted by the knowledge that i serve a God of grace; it is He that will do the work.

its a battle within, an ongoing conflict. every now and then, my faith is nowhere to be found, and i immerse myself in the scary thoughts of the many what-ifs. but eventually, (like now), there is grace for the moment. and i am reminded of all of God's promises to me, His grace, and His unfailing love. and then, i feel ready to go home and put this faith into practice.

today, i saw much of the amazing Drakensberg (literally translated as Dragon Mountains). it was breath-takingly beautiful. and i also saw the most beautiful backlit-mountains when the sun came through after a huge thunderstorm. last week, i saw & experienced (yet again) the mighty waves of the Indian Ocean. we took a boat out for an ocean safari and the waves were ginormous. it was indescribable! & the week before, i felt, heard and encountered the king of the jungle. admittedly, they were young ones, but i felt the lion's rough and gentle tongue licking me (i think i taste good) and i also had my slipper eaten.

tomorrow is as much of a mystery and an adventure that awaits. the day holds its challenges, but it just drives me closer to depend on God for grace, and patience, and love. and south africa is still awesome. cannot wait to go hiking and then swimming next to a waterfall tomorrow!

16 days left.

update

alive and well.
losing a bit of hair over the parent and the situations he gets us in, but other than that. safe. & rather enjoying the trip. (: a bit of excitement here and there as well. like a very unexpected night in the car, stranded at a remote border post high in the misty mountains of swaziland, ocean safaris, corrupt cops and etc.
tomorrow, its into the drakensberg for some biking and hiking. and maybe into lesotho as well.

africa is, well, africa.
and i'm loving it,
even with the nonsense of my fellow travellers. (:

last leg of sep.

this is the start of the 3rd leg of my sep: a one-month holiday trip with my dad and brother.
its been a busy few days. and, as usual, i'm just avoiding whatever i can.
tomorrow, its just the 3 of us. and, by the end of it... ...

happenings-wise, my brother got caught for staying over. but we got off with a warning. zz. of course right, leaving in 1 day already, what can they do?

anyway, i'm just really glad for all the experience i've had with saying my goodbyes. at the risk of getting immune and being overly callous about it, practice helps. especially seeing that, this is africa. and, who knows if i'll ever be back here again?

i really dont know. but, anyway, i hope the trip goes well. even with less than optimal company, i managed to have a really good spring break trip. i hope its the same here as well. every single day will be a test. but, something tells me that the very same days will bring grace in my life like never before. its always a new challenge ahead. this was coming, i would never have guessed that it would come in the form of a family holiday but... well, one thing im sure of is God's love is sufficient to sustain me even when i feel like crap.

ugc was ultra amazing.
tuks was eye-opening.
we will see what this brings.

S.B. 1: the border nightmare

i dont want to enforce stereotypes here, but this definitely deserves a mention! crossing from the South African border into Zimbabwe took us the better part of 5 hours, and involved lots and lots and lots of waiting, corrupted officials, redtape and queue-cutters.

this is the immigrations tent where we went to get our passports stamped. its super easy to slip past the border! when we needed the car registration paper to be faxed over to us (long story), we already had SA departure stamps in our passports, but we were still waiting and having lunch in a small town about 4km away from the border.

the STOP sign really characterised our entry to Zimb. we were at this sign on 3 separate occasions. this was taken when we FINALLY had everything we needed (after 5 hours).

the car inspection office. and its not a temporary office, contrary to what i believed when i first saw it.

the sign at this building is just for show. this building wasnt for customs nor anything! i dont know what it was for because there were counters, and empty seats. we were directed to the tents which was fully staffed. i.e. 3 border control officers and 3 computers with passport scanning devices.

amazing start to my journey!
more pictures to come.