its been a very random & awesome tuesday. (and blogger's time/date setting is messed up, its not on sg time nor is it on SA time.) lastminute & random trip to joburg with m-l. saw an amazing lightning storm, loaded a huge sofa into a bakkie, went out for chinese food, and the one day that i could sleep early, my brain decided to run at topspeed & i lay awake, in bed, until a freaking 5am. seeeeeriously, i just want to unplug my brain sometimes. and today was, well, a very conflicted, but blessed one still.
somewhere between the wrong and the right.
somewhere between the darkness and the light.
somewhere between who i was and who you're making me.
somewhere in the middle, you'll find me.
with eyes wide open to the differences,
the god we want and the God who is,
but will we trade our dreams for His?
are we caught in the middle?
because i am. or rather, my flesh is. i'm stuck. somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more. its such a huge opportunity. and exciting too. but i know where i am supposed to be. problem is, for the third time, i feel sooo attracted to it that i feel i will regret this or that my life will be characterised by a series of could-have-beens. but that was just my carnal self talking, i see that now. not that it makes things any easier..... (because i wish knowing it would make things easier!)
2 of my econs mates are going & we only found out after the list was released. and then, i checked the list of companies available. and things went downhill from there. went home to nap & think about it, and this song really spoke to me... my dreams for God's plans. am i willing? sometimes, for me, direct questions are key. pft. today makes me wonder how many more times i have to say NO. no. no. N.O. *brain, did u get that? N. O. NO. stop running wild now! NO.*
quite an exhausting day, but met thloki & molly for coffee in school. and it was so great listening & learning. i hope greatergrace will eventually come to sg. they resemble the church in Acts (noted by another visitor, but something i fully agree with). now, time to pack my room & catch up on that elusive sleep. its a long day of project discussion tomorrow. eishhh.
Showing posts with label church. Show all posts
Showing posts with label church. Show all posts
non-IEK780-related thoughts.
Monday, September 6
Freely You gave it all for us,
Surrendered Your life upon that cross
Great is Your love poured out for all,
This is our God.
so, procrastination comes with reading the bible because, for some warped reason, i figure that since i am wasting time, i might as well spend it on something better. not a very good reason to read the bible, but nonetheless a reason. currently taking my time to read a book called "A Life God Rewards" by Bruce Wilkinson..the hosts that the other Singaporean girl is staying with gave me a copy just the other day, and its been a blessing. its not a today vs. tomorrow issue anymore, but more of a tomorrow's circumstances given today's.i'm sure there's a mathematical way to represent this, maybe like.. Y(t+1)|I(t). Benefits of time period t+1 (i.e. tomorrow) given Investment today. ok, my brain is obviously NOT being used to study international, but anyway, i digress. HAHA.
being here, its been such a smooth journey that i believe God is using this experience to teach me what it means to walk with Him in good times.we all know what it is like to walk with Him in the bad times, because, like little children who've been naughty and burnt our fingers in the fire, we run crying to Him, seeking comfort and knowing that we will find sometimes a rebuke, but always a loving embrace. or else, it is also when we find that our knees give way and our hands know the extent of their incapabilities, that we continually seek His face, His guidance and His blessings on our works. because we also know that we have no choice but to trust in His provision & His plan.on the other hand, when things go fine and we think we're walking on our own 2 feet, when life doesnt present us with impossible situations, thats when it gets tough to discern what His will is. and honestly, its maybe because in our finite minds, "all is well".
i see such a huge difference in myself here just over these 3 months. its a very distinct pattern.before the outreach while in pretoria for a week, i spent so much time praying about things at home and things to come. on the outreach, we had daily devotions as a team. i also got up earlier for QT, knowing that all that i did would be useless if i wasnt right with God but also knowing that there would be a verse every morning to guide my steps in the outreach. and at night, the day's events only made sense when i brought them before God & asked Him to teach me. (plus, having a devotional book strategically situated on a stool next to the toiletbowl made for extra quiet time. heh) a few weeks after the outreach, i spent time with God looking for solace & trying to continue the learning curve in a different context. but just recently, i've noticed that i've started praying much lesser than i did before. not that i dont pray anymore, but just that my prayers seem more routine than expectant, more responsibility than desire. and its so different from before..i wonder if it is partly because everything is going well. i read the bible, and i'm even reading more books here than at home (there's more time here also) but i just find that the expectation of finding sustenance through the Word isnt there every single time.
it was last week's church service where ps jabu sang a song with lyrics that went something like, God is the God of the mountains and the valleys, the sun & the night, the laughter & tears. (and it was phrased a lot better, but i cant remember it for the life of me!) so i'm wondering now, what is it like to follow God in the good times? to watch where He leads, to be alert to the subtle changes in schedule that i am to take, and to grab the small opportunities i will have to bring glory to Him. i want to, and i will find out. its not by chance that such a pattern has emerged, and if i cannot learn to spontaneously take time out of my relaxed schedule to speak to someone in the street, then its going to be impossible for me to do anything once i'm back home.
God is a good God and there's so many blessings very single day that i see & i feel so grateful for, but it also accentuates the feeling that i'm not doing enough for Him, that there is a lot more i can do than i am doing. this is a new road i'm walking.. life has never flowed so smoothly before and i think there's going to be a big lesson in this. cant wait to find out (: but first, let me figure out international economics, get through the crazy 95-page South African trade policy and write my own. i have 17 hours to clear 50% of my entire grade (and i havent done anything!) eeeks. its laughable at the state i'm in, except that i really need to PASS.
i have biltong and some green apples for snacks tonight. South Africa is good (: except for the rubbish that i get myself into. ohwell, delayed gratification! when i get home, i will have a sem where i can take 1 module less!
hello terms-of-trade and welfare.
Surrendered Your life upon that cross
Great is Your love poured out for all,
This is our God.
so, procrastination comes with reading the bible because, for some warped reason, i figure that since i am wasting time, i might as well spend it on something better. not a very good reason to read the bible, but nonetheless a reason. currently taking my time to read a book called "A Life God Rewards" by Bruce Wilkinson..the hosts that the other Singaporean girl is staying with gave me a copy just the other day, and its been a blessing. its not a today vs. tomorrow issue anymore, but more of a tomorrow's circumstances given today's.i'm sure there's a mathematical way to represent this, maybe like.. Y(t+1)|I(t). Benefits of time period t+1 (i.e. tomorrow) given Investment today. ok, my brain is obviously NOT being used to study international, but anyway, i digress. HAHA.
being here, its been such a smooth journey that i believe God is using this experience to teach me what it means to walk with Him in good times.we all know what it is like to walk with Him in the bad times, because, like little children who've been naughty and burnt our fingers in the fire, we run crying to Him, seeking comfort and knowing that we will find sometimes a rebuke, but always a loving embrace. or else, it is also when we find that our knees give way and our hands know the extent of their incapabilities, that we continually seek His face, His guidance and His blessings on our works. because we also know that we have no choice but to trust in His provision & His plan.on the other hand, when things go fine and we think we're walking on our own 2 feet, when life doesnt present us with impossible situations, thats when it gets tough to discern what His will is. and honestly, its maybe because in our finite minds, "all is well".
i see such a huge difference in myself here just over these 3 months. its a very distinct pattern.before the outreach while in pretoria for a week, i spent so much time praying about things at home and things to come. on the outreach, we had daily devotions as a team. i also got up earlier for QT, knowing that all that i did would be useless if i wasnt right with God but also knowing that there would be a verse every morning to guide my steps in the outreach. and at night, the day's events only made sense when i brought them before God & asked Him to teach me. (plus, having a devotional book strategically situated on a stool next to the toiletbowl made for extra quiet time. heh) a few weeks after the outreach, i spent time with God looking for solace & trying to continue the learning curve in a different context. but just recently, i've noticed that i've started praying much lesser than i did before. not that i dont pray anymore, but just that my prayers seem more routine than expectant, more responsibility than desire. and its so different from before..i wonder if it is partly because everything is going well. i read the bible, and i'm even reading more books here than at home (there's more time here also) but i just find that the expectation of finding sustenance through the Word isnt there every single time.
it was last week's church service where ps jabu sang a song with lyrics that went something like, God is the God of the mountains and the valleys, the sun & the night, the laughter & tears. (and it was phrased a lot better, but i cant remember it for the life of me!) so i'm wondering now, what is it like to follow God in the good times? to watch where He leads, to be alert to the subtle changes in schedule that i am to take, and to grab the small opportunities i will have to bring glory to Him. i want to, and i will find out. its not by chance that such a pattern has emerged, and if i cannot learn to spontaneously take time out of my relaxed schedule to speak to someone in the street, then its going to be impossible for me to do anything once i'm back home.
God is a good God and there's so many blessings very single day that i see & i feel so grateful for, but it also accentuates the feeling that i'm not doing enough for Him, that there is a lot more i can do than i am doing. this is a new road i'm walking.. life has never flowed so smoothly before and i think there's going to be a big lesson in this. cant wait to find out (: but first, let me figure out international economics, get through the crazy 95-page South African trade policy and write my own. i have 17 hours to clear 50% of my entire grade (and i havent done anything!) eeeks. its laughable at the state i'm in, except that i really need to PASS.
i have biltong and some green apples for snacks tonight. South Africa is good (: except for the rubbish that i get myself into. ohwell, delayed gratification! when i get home, i will have a sem where i can take 1 module less!hello terms-of-trade and welfare.
huskies & puppies!
Saturday, August 28
i have a new nice picture to share here. (: i wish i knew how to make it appear bigger on the website, such a small icon doesnt work well at all!
a nice quiet week here in Pretoria, its the calm before the storm. at home, that usually refers to a surge in deadlines, activities & work. but here, :D its referring to a coming flurry of activities & travel!
the zimbabwe plan is coming along really well. but spring breakkkkk!! ): and most of the exch stdts are away on a weekend to Swaziland to join in a huge party where the king of swaziland is going to choose his 14th wife........ so, uhm, kind of obvious why i'm here in south africa and not swaziland. i dont really think topless african girls, alcohol and a polygamist are really that attractive.
& yesterday's braai made me even happier that i didnt go to swaziland! m-l's church had a braai at one of the member's hugeee house. but that was not the highlight even though it had a tennis court & a swimming pool. IT WAS THE 10 DOGS IN THE HOUSE. more specifically, 8 handsome huskies, of which 6 were puppies!! they were the cutest ever things!!
see, huskies are handsome & have a beautiful coat & the bluest eyes ever, AND! i miss hector. so getting to play with one very hyperactive dog is already very rewarding. (the dad husky is super active & he behaves just like hector, bouncing up & down & standing up on his hindlegs). and then, after i actually meet the host & talk a little about his dog, he casually mentions they have 6 puppies. 6 veryveryvery adorable puppies who play & nibble & tumble all around. cuteness overdose last night i think. haha. and one particular puppy fell asleep in my arms for really long after i played with him!! super cute (((((:
super cute & amazingly blue eyes! not a nice pic, but i was too busy playing with them to take nicer one.
cycling!
Saturday, August 21
its been an AWESOME weekend. like reallyreally awesome.
just 2 bummers:
1. MY BELOVED FILM CAMERA IS ACTING UP AGAIN. pft. dont ask me how a mechanical camera can die when i havent done anything to it. but it has. the rear shutter doesnt fire unless i switch it to bulb mode or to the fully mechanical shutter speed of 1/90s. which sucks. because, 1 day it was working, and the next day, it wasnt. ))))):
2. MY BIKE HAS A PUNCTURED TYRE. after the amazing day out at Groenkloof nature reserve, it decided it had enough & i've got a flat rear tyre.
now that i've ranted about those, let me get to the awesome stuff. (: friday i met up with marianne, the other singapore girl who was on the 5wk outreach as well. (5wks outreach, another 5wks in Zambia helping out in an OM ministry and then another 6months at OM training!.. and she's just finished her A's last year. THAT is what i call amazing). ok anyway, so hanging out with another singaporean just rocks lah! hello singlish. haha. we didnt do anything special, but having such company is really quite cool. & i need to go to Zambia after hearing all that stuff! (but i will. soon.)
and kofiehuis (i've learnt the correct spelling) at night was great too. the church service was real african-style & i just loveee this song that they sang. There's no one like Jesus. in Sotho (which we sung that night) its Ahona ya tswanang le Jesu, and in Zulu, Akeko ofana na Jesu! i reaaaally love this song! & seeing some of the men sing so loudly & doing the actions, just amazing. another meaningful conversation at night with a guy who was getting off heroin, well, m-l did the talking & i didnt because i have absolutely no idea, but it was such an eye-opening experience.
on saturday, i went mountain-biking! its the real stuff with freaking crazy slopes & turns & scenery. a few highlights: getting there early (and safe). i cycled about 50min to get there while the rest took a cab & since i was early, i started biking & admiring the nature. it was SO peaceful & beautiful, and it STILL amazes me that God has brought me here!! so, the others got lost etcetc (whats new right), and eventually we started on the route about 2hours later than planned. better still, we went on the 21km route without realising it. very good.... but the adrenaline rush made up for it. a few scraps along the way, but we made it out just fine.
going to Groenkloof became a plan because i heard that you could cycle & see wildlife up close. (not lions or meat-eaters, duh) but giraffes etc. things like this, you hear about it but sometimes it never really happens or you find out it was an exaggeration etc. in this case, it was SO true! and even better!! as the front 2 bikes rounded a sharp bend, they braked really hard such that their back wheels skidded in the dust and it nearly caused me to collide into them. their reason for doing so: 3 HUGE giraffes crossing the dirt path barely 10metres away!!! and a lot more giraffes on both sides of the road. amazing or amazing!! it was a magical experience when i got off my bike and started walking nearer.. to see a wild giraffe eating right in front of you, its just an indescribable feeling of being so close to nature & to see what God has created. i've never marvelled at animals in the way i did. the giraffes were so close i could see their fur & muscles & those insanely long necks & legs. i'm not a gd storyteller, but with experiences like that, i wish i was better. so, anyway, pictures will help. (:
i look kinda weird here because i was unprepared for the shot but i'm glad i have at least 1 pic from the day. well, the girl wasnt really all that interested to help me take a photo anyway. (and yes, i am a little bugged, but not dwelling on it).
and here's another picture of someone else just to show how close we were to the giraffes! SERIOUSLY.
my bike (when we took a break).
and thats us when we FINALLY got to the end point after an amazing ride. i am soooo going to do it again. it was exhausting, but great.
the punctured tyre. i really thank God that the temporary patch survived the ride home! i cycled my heart out because it was getting late & i really didnt want to be stuck in the middle of brooklyn with a flat tyre. but i got home within 35min.
and old post #3, DONE! (:
Wednesday, August 18
August 17th, 2010
| 01:13 am - of tests and everything else. its horrible how i alwaaaaays blog when i have something else more important to do. like my paper on cohabitation for example. i forgot all about the deadline until friday night when i got home from coffeehouse and looked at my plans for the weekend. and, OH WOW! I HAVE A 7 PAGE PAPER DUE IN 4 DAYS! (plus an exam which i knew about, but didnt bother studying for) because, well, i'm in AH-FREEE!-ca.... so the paper isnt all that hard, the topic has been set, the outline has been given, the segments of the essay have even been weighted, and the readings have half the info i need...... (quite amazing!! half my work is done for me!) BUT... butbutbut. me, being me. i havent done the other half, which is getting content and writing it. now, i've got my basic content outline & the sources and i'm procrastinating the writing bit. this slackness is going to kill me upside down next semester... oh, and i sat for my first exam here in SA. it was a JOKE i tell you. felt like not even JC level questions. "define active listening", "discuss the components of empathy",.... oh! and the best question, " LIST down the FOUR factors of .." MY GOODNESS. its a university course for goodness sake.... i read the questions in disbelief and for a moment, i just thought, crap why did i study so much stuff in-depth! if i had just memorised all the definitions, i would ace this test.. but seeing as which i didnt bother AT ALL with definitions...... HAHAHA. the results will tell if i've been studying effectively. and have i mentioned, communal living is so much fun (: on sunday, everyone was home. and we spent sooo much time in the kitchen.. its amusing that we were all just procrastinating so much! HAHA. at one point in the day, all 5 of us were standing in the kitchen, complaining and eating or staring at people eating.. its 12:57am now, and i think i just heard some activity in the kitchen.. point proven. time flies in afrika, in exactly 4 months and 1 day, its hello singapore again. i want to stay here! its not stressful! and i love speeding around everywhere on my bike. the risk factor adds to the edge, especially when i cycle home from church at night. and i really like church here. its so warm & welcoming & sincere & just so... nice. something interesting, the church is full of architects.. architects and architecture students. they go "wow, economics!", i go "wow, architecture!" (influenced by kevinong obviously) hahah. and i just realised i've typed A.LOT. i should have been typing words about cohabitation, but this is relaxing. and unlike home where everything becomes really quiet only at 3am, i get the same effect here at 1am. (: when the weather warms up, i'm going to take walks in the tuksdorp compound. AND I NEED PLANS FOR THE SEPTEMBER BREAK!! i have 11days to travel! and maybe make plans for a weekend trip next week. the only thing that is lacking now are nice travel buddies. but that, i will have to trust God that i make travel plans with the right people. so, my essay is due in 16 hours. and i have class in 8 hours. yay me. (: time to start work again. |
August 16th, 2010
| 12:08 am another week has ended. crazy how time flies. last weekend was quite awesome. (: met malems at sunnypark (its about 15min by minitaxi) was only a littleee bit unnerving when i got off the taxi to find myself on a street full of vendors and random people milling around and being the only non-black in the area. plus, i had my camera in my bag, so i walked reaally fast in the direction of the mall and stepped into a place of safety (in my humble opinion) very hurriedly. amusing, now that i think of it, but not so at that point of time. coffee and a good chat later made me realise just how much God was working in our team on the capetown outreach. (which reminds me, i have yet to finish typing that last update about capetown). malems' perspective and experience of our team also brought me new insight, and the team dynamics were really very interesting! after that we dropped into the coffeehouse across the road and that was where my kofiehaus adventure began. but anyway, joburg over the next 2 days and pilanesberg on sunday! pilanesberg national park was amaaazing!! we set off at 4am and reached at exactly 6.30am when the park gates opened. so i got to see a real african sunrise! haha. well, every sunrise is real, but this one, i saw inside a nature reserve, surrounded by bush. but the most awesome thing, the radio station which was blasting out party-type of music for the entire journey there, started to play a christian program with worship songs!! see, no one else in the car was a christian, and just to have a song of worship playing in the background while i'm in Africa, living a dream, holding my camera and watching a sun looks like a huge red ball rise in the distance.... no words can describe that feeling man. seriously. and of all things, the song that was being played was "this is the air I breathe". God really knows how to take care of people. best. host. ever. haha. i was really so blessed by that 20minutes or so. the rest of the day was spent going "ELEPHANT!" "ZEBRA!" "GIRAFFE!" etc... and the picnic, my gosh, i have NEVER heard such silence!!! it was sooo peaceful! even with so many other people having huge braai feasts.... awesomeness. it would have been even more cool to have people from home to share it with, but i loved it nonetheless. ach, so much to update. the week was eventful as well, especially wednesday when i went to soccercity to watch bafana play ghana. cool experience, but after that the real 'adventure' started. this was an adventure with people (really). oh and of course, like everything that has happened here so far, i'm safe where i should be. thursday and friday i went to the coffeehouse, which was just so cool. fastforward this weekend. and i miss the girls a wholeeeee lot. ): but i wonder what response i will get if i call home and ask my parents if they'll support me to put my studies on hold for 6months and go for OM's MDT that starts in Feb.... my thoughts are running wild. ohhh welll.. i conclude, its not going to happen. but i wish. (: its ironic and very possible actually.. i'm living a dream here in SA and i'm dreaming of more dreams in SA. but a girl can dream, cant she? :D |
August 7th, 2010
| 03:32 pm - of j's. jehovah witnesses in joburg. so, of all things, the friend of liu (an exchange student) turned out to be a jehovah's witness AND he brought us to hang out with more jw "brothers & sisters". it was fun even though it was a teeny bit disconcerting at the start, but they were nice people and we had a lot of fun talking and iceskating. side note: the day i decide to be game and try a bum-slide (i.e. move really fast on skates and cover the rest of the distance on your ass), i fall and hit my head so hard that now i have a huge bump. no brain damage done though. heh. back to the topic of the jw-weekend. at night i went to google jw on my phone (internet on my phone is so useful!) and i started to understand a little bit more about them. today was just weird. because, they brought us to 2 chinese shopping areas, one aptly named China Mall, and after breakfast, they left us to roam around while they went to "evangelise". & apparently, its a weekly activity they do regularly. after that, when paul (the chinese guy's friend) gave us a lift back to pretoria, God answered my prayer last night for opportunities to talk about their beliefs. he started by asking me about freedom of religion in singapore & when i asked him in return, he started talking about how the jws were persecuted in SA for refusing army conscription. and the conversation that ensued......well..lets just say that i asked all the questions in that conversation & the awareness of my ignorance of the bible has been amplified. hah. but this is what i get when i ask God to use this SA experience to grow me. because i am learning SO MUCH. Lord, some of Your wisdom now would really help. thank You. |
August 6th, 2010
| 12:33 am - yay weekend! its the long weekend, and i dont have anything thats like, "omg!SOEXCITING!" planned... but i think its going to be quite nice! going to joburg over friday & saturday for ice-skating (???) and stuff like chinatown (another ????...i didnt come all the way to AFRICA to go to CHINATOWN!)... but since liu (one of the chinese girls here) asked me to accompany her, so.. i think it'll be fun in terms of a chill sightseeing experience. but! sunday will be awesome because we'll be going on a day excursion to pilanesberg game reserve! photo-galore!! (i hope. because that 70-300mm lens may just utterly disappoint) so, i'm not exactly expecting national geographic quality kind of pictures, but hopefully i get some nice ones with my boyfriend & his awesome wideangle...and monday, mountainbiking somewhere!! one thing of concern to me, i'm being lulled into a false sense of security here i think. i just bought my bike yesterday and i'm so excited about being able to ride around like to church and go on cycling trips and everything!! butbutbut.. going to the singapore embassy today really introduced some doubts because of the way the guy reacted to the news that i used a bike... i know i'm not going to do stupid things like cycle into the city by myself or really stupid stuff like cycling out at 12mn, but now, i'm wondering... FINALLY watched inception last night! (about 1year later than the rest of the continents, but at least its here!) and it was sooo good. something random: i was thinking what my life in limbo would be like. would be interesting to dream it! dreams. its such a big word. (: AND NO WAY I AM GOING TO BE A BRIDESMAID. OR ANYTHING THAT REQUIRES ME TO WEAR A WHITE DRESS, ACT DEMURE AND/OR TOSS FLOWERS. (: boo to december 2010. but big yay to 2011. and bigger yay to the weekend! |
August 3rd, 2010
| 01:25 am its been a good few days. major stuff: sending regina off (even getting there & back was a miracle in itself), m-l's ladies' fellowship (learnt so much!), african mini-concert of gospel songs(my hair kept standing) & weekend-speculation with the housemates (egggciting)... speaking of which, i havent taken ANY pictures of the house, the housemates, school and other random stuff! i better do it before i get so used to living here that i lose sight of all the unique-ness of the place...and i should probably start using my boyfriend a little more, now that i have him back (((: i have only shot a grand total of 3 frames since he got back! but developing film here is just sooooo expensive... been doing quite a bit of thinking these past days. anything and everything major in my life came up. some thoughts i dwelt on & prayed over, others not so. but thats always the case i guess, cuz there's always something that holds back... tomorrow is a new day. and school here is just like school at home. in the sense that i'm ALWAYS late. but now with 2 postgrad courses i'm taking, slacking off is not an option anymore. hopefully it keeps me on my toes, if not next sem, i'm just gonna die dealing with work, readjustments and cell once again. ok but that is one example of something i AM.NOT.GOING.TO.THINK.ABOUT. not until 5 months later. funny how at home the 5 months leading up to this adventure dragged its feet so slowly...and here, i'm thinking, its only 5 months.. pfttt. save me from this retarded brain that does not know when to shutup. |