sitting in the airport waiting area in joburg now. and i am doing everything i can to stop thinking about leaving. but i am also trying to make the most of my time here... this last hour anyway. SIGH. ok. home & all that nonsense. but dubai first. (see the escapist rearing its ugly head?)

last night in SA.

oh. my. good. ness. how is this even possibleeeeeee. my last night in South Africa!! in 24 hours i'll be on a plane heading HOME. this is madness. seriously. i'm too far gone to even begin to imagine what home will feel like. my delayed reactions are kicking in already....
this sucks. 
ok. shall busy myself with other things now.

merrychristmas!

so... my christmas eve wasnt the best ever, but i'm in a really nice campsite next to Oranje River and i'm coming to the end of my 7-month adventure, i dont think there's anything worth complaining about.

on my way back to Pretoria after this few weeks with (part of) the family here & i'm excited! i feel like i'm going home... ok, i am going home to Singapore soon, but i meant home to Pretoria. not Tuksdorp, nor Hatfield, but just a familiar area with (some of) my friends. ach. i should just cut the nonsense of explaining all this, when i go home, it'll be ten times worse because i'll have to clarify & explain every single thing. i should print out big cards with the routine answers: yes, South Africa was awesome; no, it was safe, i didnt get mugged; yes, i attended classes; yes, the people there were an experience; yes, travelled to Zimbabwe, Bostwana, Mozambique & Swaziland; yadayadayada...

i cannot believe 7 months have passed already!! in just 47.5 hours i'll be on a plane flying out of here! noOoo... and then <48hrs after that i'll be HOME in hot humid Singapore. eeks. not a good time for a panic attack either. ok. going to enjoy my 2nd last night here watching the stars!

today.

me & my big mouth....... refer to a post earlier:
"somersault in sand, check. somersault in water, check. i would very much like to leave out the somersault in air component. it would hurt less during the flip, but a lot more when landing. " 
update today: somersault in air, check. thankfully, the landing didnt hurt as much as logic & physics says it would. God did indeed keep us very safe. and i'm now in capetown. (:

being here actually feels overrated now. i'm just up the road from where our team spent 3 weeks sharing the God's love. and now, its so weird to walk the same streets, knowing that everyone else is at home. but i should probably stop emoing and remembering the city for what it was, and take this opportunity to experience the touristy side of it (even if im not much of a fan of touristy stuff). anw. its the wrong time for a trip down memory lane. i shall go read and sleep and recover from today. after experiences like this, i wish that my trust in God's ability to defy logic extended to more aspects of life.

ok. another day, another adventure.
my dad has this uncanny ability to get us into situations.
be it his fault or not.

counting.the.days....

i leave SA in 10 days. i reach home in 12 days. then 29th, 30th, 31st. and hello 2011.

that was like a uber brief summary of my last days of 2010. i'm looking forward to seeing all my friends again and 2011 promises to be another adventure with God. some plans are forming in my head already.

extreme sports.

hectic but awesomely fun few days.

sandboarding - very awesome when u are whizzing down a steep sand dune at full speed, a bit less awesome when u have to trudge back up again at a speed of take-2-steps-up-slide-1-step-down. i regret not continuing with my twice-weekly runs. really fun stuff and i ended up with sand everywhere! nose, ears, mouth... did a few tumbles & absolute wipeouts too, not on purpose. 

kitesurfing the next day, for four hours. it was indescribable. and also very humbling. it highlighted just how powerless humans are in comparison to God's creation and physical laws of nature. being harnessed to a 7m-sq kite (a small one) and learning how to control it is very enlightening - physically and spiritually. when a gust of wind picks up the kite, it invariably picks me up (on land) as well & distance becomes somewhat inconsequential.

and on water, well, i've flown over the water a few times (i was a little too aggressive with the maneuvers and it doesnt go well with poor kite control), and i did a full somersault+twists in the water when i got dragged out of control. it was pretty scary at that point in time & i understand better how slow-motion works now. heh. basically, i flew out of the water, somehow landed face-first head-down, my head hit the sandy bottom underneath my legs (in the air), got my legs entangled with the kite lines before i got my head up, and my bearings straightened out! the few words that went through my mind: crap! ok, thats sand, where are my legs, which way is up? and before i knew it, i'd done a full somersault in the water. 

somersault in sand, check. somersault in water, check. i would very much like to leave out the somersault in air component. it would hurt less during the flip, but a lot more when landing. 

today, as a reward for managing to stand up on my board after 4 hours of kite-handling & body-dragging (its a legit term & pretty fun!), and of course, the somersaulting, i have 2 huge bruises on my ribs and terribly aching arms. (even changing gear was hard!) heh. it probably signals a lack of fitness and/or a loose screw somewhere in my brain. (: 

although i intend to fix that screw tomorrow, when i attempt to ride an ostrich and crawl through tiny holes in a network of caves. this is such a different SA from what i've experienced for the last 6 months! 

on a sidenote, my dad is driving me nuts, although my tolerance level has increased considerably. 2 more weeks to home. i heard this song at the restaurant after a particularly tiring conversation/argument, and i missed home. as in, tuksdorp-pretoria-SA home and macpherson-hector home. enjoy (:
MichaelBuble-Home (because i dont know how to insert vids) 

i am having fun.

so, despite the bummed past few days, i was determined to enjoy my time in Africa.

glad to say, i did. (: 

took a little morning walk along the Wild Coast myself. it was just the wet rocks, steep cliffs, azure blue sea and me. (with my camera of course). it was awesome. wish we had stayed longer there. but the area was quite unsettling, i.e. traditional ancestral worship & witchdoctors (sangoma). 

anyhow, we left the backpackers for a nearby attraction: the hole-in-the-wall. it was literally, a hole in a small island-cliff just off the beach. took a short trek to reach it but the amazing beaches & surrounding bush were so beautiful that the journey was an attraction in itself!

and then, made our way to East London to meet up with dear old Jonothan from my outreach for dinner. i miss my Team Jaah-pahn! we had take out & sat by the beachfront talking. almost totally ignored my dad and brother for the entire 2hours, even though they were next to me. but i needed it, extended time with my dad in particular gets my nerves rather frayed. 

so, even with the night driving (or should i say, crawling) with constant comments from my dad that i'm "speeding" at 100km/h on a 120km/h road..... yes, it was a good day. & i hope tomorrow's great too. maybe sand-boarding or surfing? i'm done with trying to get either one excited/interested, and if they arent going/dont want to plan exciting stuff to do together, i cant help it. & even if the boundaries of this leg of my SA experience is very much limited, SA is still a huge adventure for me. so there. 

overrated.

but instead of ranting, i should probably just count. my. blessings.

even if right now, they seem like they can only be counted on one hand. 

so.. i am thankful that i get to see more of South Africa. (even if it is rather limited by paranoia & wishy-washy-ness & over-accommodation); i am thankful for the ally that i have in my brother (even if it does get rather annoying when he has no opinion on what to do, and overly strong opinions of church); i am thankful that i am not bald & am not at boiling point with my dad; and lastly, i am truly, truly thankful for the surprisingly great amount of patience that i have had thus far. it brings the concept of Christ's strength in my weakness to a very different application, one that i'd never have expected. 

so i am back in contact after 4 days of living in the mountains (ultra poor internet connection), and am now at coffee bay along the Wild Coast of SA. (: it is indeed wild. and it is beautiful. but, no thanks to the type of travel companions i have, the 3 approaches by weed & pot dealers + the hippie atmosphere/lifestyle + rain&cold = we leave this awesome place after just 1 night here. in favor of a tourist spot further south. my hopes of going cliff-jumping (jumping 14metres off a cliff, into the sea), have thus jumped off the cliff of expectations & have been dashed to pieces..... maybe, there still might be a teeny ounce of hope that i get to do that further south, but, for now, it looks like that activity is put off until my next adventure in the world. 

back to coffee bay, i'm at a backpackers that is situated at the foot of a cliff, right next to a river mouth that flows into the sea. its quiet, its full of character and its also, a very temporary abode. ok, so my contact lens has rolled somewhere into my eye for the umpteenth time today. that means i am blind in one eye until i get it out & it also means that maybe i should stop conversing with my blog and whoever reads this & get some sleep. i think its the lack of proper conversation for the last week or so thats causing this verbal diarrhea. 

goodnight world. i will be back with more nonsensical updates pretty soon, i expect.  

fears, faith, failure, but always, Grace.

am suddenly really afraid of going back home.

and its not an unfounded fear.

but it is unqualified, and it is unnecessary.
because i know, God is greater.
greater than my weaknesses, failures, shortcomings, stumbles.
greater than all my fears, real and imagined.
greater than the god i used to make Him out to be.

and while it absolutely terrifies me that i go home to vastly different circumstances and people,
i am equally comforted by the knowledge that i serve a God of grace; it is He that will do the work.

its a battle within, an ongoing conflict. every now and then, my faith is nowhere to be found, and i immerse myself in the scary thoughts of the many what-ifs. but eventually, (like now), there is grace for the moment. and i am reminded of all of God's promises to me, His grace, and His unfailing love. and then, i feel ready to go home and put this faith into practice.

today, i saw much of the amazing Drakensberg (literally translated as Dragon Mountains). it was breath-takingly beautiful. and i also saw the most beautiful backlit-mountains when the sun came through after a huge thunderstorm. last week, i saw & experienced (yet again) the mighty waves of the Indian Ocean. we took a boat out for an ocean safari and the waves were ginormous. it was indescribable! & the week before, i felt, heard and encountered the king of the jungle. admittedly, they were young ones, but i felt the lion's rough and gentle tongue licking me (i think i taste good) and i also had my slipper eaten.

tomorrow is as much of a mystery and an adventure that awaits. the day holds its challenges, but it just drives me closer to depend on God for grace, and patience, and love. and south africa is still awesome. cannot wait to go hiking and then swimming next to a waterfall tomorrow!

16 days left.

update

alive and well.
losing a bit of hair over the parent and the situations he gets us in, but other than that. safe. & rather enjoying the trip. (: a bit of excitement here and there as well. like a very unexpected night in the car, stranded at a remote border post high in the misty mountains of swaziland, ocean safaris, corrupt cops and etc.
tomorrow, its into the drakensberg for some biking and hiking. and maybe into lesotho as well.

africa is, well, africa.
and i'm loving it,
even with the nonsense of my fellow travellers. (:

its never nice.

so, i'm out of tuksdorp for good. it felt sooo weird to see a neat (and empty) room. the last time i saw my room like that was when i first moved in and i refused to unpack anything, and instead, i went to rent a car. i think it was only a few days later that i actually got down to unpacking...

anyway, i am exhausted.

[edit: exhausted and forgetful. whats new right. heh. i left tuksdorp on the morning of the day that i wrote this. and what a morning it was. after a night out, trying to bring my brother to zanzu and ending up i stones, i spent the rest of the night, morning really, burning photos, packing and reminiscing. slept for about 2 hours because, well, it was my last night there and the ceiling needs someone to admire it for a bit longer. just before i left, we got the car packed and ready to go, and i realised my housemate wasnt back yet. at first, i thought she was just asleep, but it turns out she didnt come home. haha. typical. i called her & she got back in time, and we said bye. i hate goodbyes. and i am never able to say anything. i am better at it now, but it still sucks. anyway, after all of that, i left tuksdorp for good. and on a 25day adventure of people and of southern africa. more specifically, with the parent. so... that teary-too-early-in-the-morning-and-too-brusque-goodbye marked the end of SEP2010. it was a time of learning, of fun and even of love. one of these days, i'll do a proper postmortem of the time there.]

last leg of sep.

this is the start of the 3rd leg of my sep: a one-month holiday trip with my dad and brother.
its been a busy few days. and, as usual, i'm just avoiding whatever i can.
tomorrow, its just the 3 of us. and, by the end of it... ...

happenings-wise, my brother got caught for staying over. but we got off with a warning. zz. of course right, leaving in 1 day already, what can they do?

anyway, i'm just really glad for all the experience i've had with saying my goodbyes. at the risk of getting immune and being overly callous about it, practice helps. especially seeing that, this is africa. and, who knows if i'll ever be back here again?

i really dont know. but, anyway, i hope the trip goes well. even with less than optimal company, i managed to have a really good spring break trip. i hope its the same here as well. every single day will be a test. but, something tells me that the very same days will bring grace in my life like never before. its always a new challenge ahead. this was coming, i would never have guessed that it would come in the form of a family holiday but... well, one thing im sure of is God's love is sufficient to sustain me even when i feel like crap.

ugc was ultra amazing.
tuks was eye-opening.
we will see what this brings.

today.

today. i lived. and i loved.
i lived through:
1. facing the inevitable & emptying my room of its knick-knacks
2. sleeping at 5am and getting up to do groceries and other misc tasks
3. an entire exhausting be-the-tour-guide-because-you-live-here day,
4. a talk with my dad about christianity, bbtc and greatergrace.

i loved:
1. nua-ing in the lousy foam bed and looking at my awesome ceiling (last time, or so i thought)
2. the companionship of my housemates and the fun we have together.
3. attempting to plead desperately/bribe the pharmacist to sell us malaria tablets without a prescription
3. being able to just hang out with mary-lou one more time (and, hopefully, not the last)
4. going out for drinks in hatfield square and just soaking in the atmosphere.
5. finding out that zanzu was closed and then, delaying my departure by ONE MORE DAY.

and i really love how God just somehow gives me the grace to get through the day. i started off being quite short-tempered and impatient and not in the best of moods. but, constantly praying and constantly asking for grace... well, it just worked out so much better than i could have done on my own.

thank You for this one more day in tuksdorp.
thank You for showing me in ways (that i only identify in hindsight) that You are there.
thank You for all the extra grace you're showering on me that gives me that much more faith.
thank You for loving me.

i may not have the best (earthly) dad in the world,
but i have the best Dad in the universe.

one thing after another.

today was another eventful day.
let me just recap the week.
thursday i get home at 1am, friday started with a goodbye brunch, cooked my share of thanksgiving dinner, had thanksgiving with greatergrace (plus 2 exch stdts), and tried to pack. saturday lunch with lebo and went to the airport with france, came back made plans for the next day and wrote letters & emo-ed until 5-freaking-am. sunday braai-ed & chilled at ps jabu's, saw an awesome thunderstorm and then went to church for my last service in greatergrace. dinner and then went out with isa and jamie. oh, and i packed (or rather, attempted to).

today, dad woke me up at 7am. paranoid as he is. waited until 10am for room inspection & got told off just because i delayed my departure by 1 day. pfft. found our way to the car rental after walking 3km in the freaking hot sun. and then eventually found our way to the lion & rhino reserve. it was nice. & i was so glad for the company with jamie. saw african-animals again, went to play with lion cubs (big ones!).. then i got my slipper half-eaten. and got my fingers stuck in the mouth of a lion cub twice the size of hector. that was a wee bit too much adrenaline. but my day didnt end there. then it was scrambling for ingredients to cook bak kut teh to bring to joh-ann's house for dinner, which was just so nice & a huge blessing.

& now, i need to pack. and i really dont want to. it just means i'm leaving.

but, just like how inevitable things have a way of smacking you in the face even though you've been mentally prepared, it sucks. ):

goodbye greater grace.

today was my last time in church here.
it was horrible.
i know i'm going to see them again in heaven,
but its just not the same.

i teared up a few times in the service, during the sermon when my attention drifted a little and i thought of how i wouldnt get to attend church here again, and during the very impromptu song-singing where we sing such sincerely joyous songs like, deep, way down, deep, way down, deep down in my hea-ahh-art!...

bear with me while i re-enter bbtc and yc. i am going to try my best and accept this church as it is, but already, i am wishing that someone at home will understand what i mean when i talk about this church. seeing that i get back home before school starts and it being 1 month of travelling, church is going to be the first adjustment that i have to make. i miss greater grace already. )': God, some grace here please.

it was a nice weekend with the church, however. we had thanksgiving dinner on friday, i met lebo on saturday, ps manny's farewell braai this afternn, and church service at night. i love this church, i love the truth they preach, i love the fellowship and the sincerity, and i love loving God with these people.

its easier not to think about it. and it helps that i am distancing my last church service from my last days in South Africa. i think. i really really miss this.

i'm back & i'm gone.

its been a hectic few days. and i will try my veryveryverrrry best to finish the post on my Nelspruit trip soon!
in a few sentences:
God provided every single thing i needed, and more.
It was only 4 days in that B&B, but they treated me like family.
I wish I'd depend on God in daily life just the way i depended on Him in the last week.
I encountered the outdoors in every single way imaginable. (including a late-night scare with a palm-sized moth.)

i'll update the entire story soon! its still in a draft!

but anyway. i cant believe i'm leaving tuksdorp (uni residence) already. ): its sad. housemates are leaving. and the other non-communal-friendly one (lets call her x) is getting more intolerable by the day! dishes, cigarette smoke, ex-fiance living in our house (!), them having late-night bedroom activities..... she's making it easier for me to leave, in a way. sheeesh.

its down to packing. and writing letters of thanks. and saying my goodbyes to most people. i am so so so gonna miss the church here. driving to the airport today with france to pick up my dad&brother was so surreal. less than 30days left here. and only a precious few in pretoria.

i need to stop putting off writing these notes though. i suspect its the escapist in me rearing its ugly head. when i start writing, that means i'm acknowledging that i'm leaving. blah. its 3am. and i have very many to write. eeiiiiissshhhh!

story of my life

so.. these days, i seem to be courting a lot of nonsense my way.
1. i overslept, and woke up at 11. making it a bit too late to head north to polokwane. and so, spent another (quite a nice) day in tuksdorp chilling in the guys house.
2. i conclude that grasscutters in africa are rather smart. first, they cut non-existent grass on paved walkways, second, they make sure they cut grass early on saturday mornings (this is africa, NO ONE WORKS on the weekends!), third, they spend 1 full hour cutting the BARE grass outside my window. (its less than an inch tall seriously). i say they're smart because, if the cutter is on, it makes a heck lot of noise, and mr&mrs smith (yes,they're really smith-s) will think he's hard at work, and secondly, if he irritates the right people enough, they'll pay him to GO AWAY. i was very very tempted to shove a R20 note at him & tell him to go away this morning... but i didnt.

and a lot more random stuff today, like talking to hector over skype. HAH. stupid dog. but he's smart in the sense that he knows my brother is up to something (i.e. dropping him off at xin's). i think he knows cuz my brother says he's been a very moody dog for the past few days. which.. is quite amusing & sad for him. no more doggy neighbours, no more owners. but now, he'll have socks to play with & people to spam him with attention.

africa is, quite honestly speaking, starting to get on my nerves. not all of it for sure. but its an indicator that i've been here long enough. its the people, the work ethic, and more people. some people just leave a very bad aftertaste when you meet them.. and while its true that these people are everywhere. it seems to me that in Gauteng (i'm told its only in this region),  the number of strangers who leave this bitter taste has been quite high. from the directness of street beggars who really dont want a change in lifestyle but who'd rather pester passerbys, to the directness of acquaintances who unashamedly think that, because you're nice to them, you're a cash cow.

i'm not really concerned about money. i've been blessed with sufficiency and i see it as something that you use. but when such acquaintances try to derive every sort of benefit they can from you, its frustrating, and annoying. and, from my experience here, something not uncommon amongst the black males here. there are some awesome people that i've met here. they're male and they're african. and they're just so nice that you cannot not love them. but then, at the risk of stereotyping everyone, there is the former category as well.

honestly, i dont know how this is impacting my outlook and thinking in general, and even how i should be reacting to them because God says to love the unlovable. (something to think about over my getaway) but for now, they leave a very bad aftertaste. maybe its a city-atmosphere, maybe its the african-culture, or maybe its just these individuals that i meet.

but. anyhow. i am going to attempt to get to nelspruit tomorrow. when i say attempt, its because it is dependent on 1. me waking up early enough to catch a bus/taxi. 2. the AVAILABILITY of taxis/buses because its a sunday. 3. the routes that the taxis have, i.e. no taxi to durban/pietermaritzburg, so ? taxi to nelspruit? haha. but well, its an adventure nonetheless. i could always just come back to tuksdorp and try again on monday. my housemate's expression was quite priceless when i saw her at 3pm today after she just woke up from her nap. and she says i confuse her. but, i confuse myself too.. so... (:

nelspruit/polokwane/pietermaritzburg, here i come!
either tomorrow or monday...

yayy!

NOT DONE PACKING MY BIG LUGGAGE!!!
but i guess, on the eve of my solo trip, sleep is more important right?
pft. its 4am. i havent done so many things. i feel like bringing my laptop with!
but that defeats the whole purpose of a GET-AWAY.
so.. i wont. but i am bringing 3 cameras. 4 if you count my phone.
haha. awesomeness.
will update twitter regularly! username: hueythatsme
but at the amt of packing/planning i have left, i think i'll come back a day early.
durban wont happen i think.
so, tomorrow, i will decide, at the taxi station, if its nelspruit or polokwane.
(:

goodnight world!

its now or never!

time and taxis

today, (at 3am), is the 19th November. if things had gone as planned, i would have been on my way to Harare (Zimbabwe), the first of many destinations in a Southern Africa solo expedition, with the aim of seeing, exploring, and ultimately, learning. about people, about myself and eventually, about God. but then, today would also have marked the start of my 1 month countdown in south africa. as it is, i have 40days left here.

already, some people are going home. one of them has been excited to leave since the 2nd week she arrived (or so i've heard) and the other was so depressed that she cried while packing. i dont think i fall into either category, but i will miss this place. a. lot. either way, home awaits. with friends, responsibilities and, life in general.

wednesday was the start of the 3rd phase of SA2010 - the end of school, and the start of my adventures. & it started pretty well. i aced my oral examination on Church and Israel (after only 1 entire night of cramming - the Singapore system does come in handy), bumped into Ps M & Molly and O'brien on my way back and ended up spending a very nice afternoon talking. As we left, i headed to the bus station some distance away to do a little bit of recce-ing for my mini trip. i dont know how long it took for me to get there and find out what i needed to (time isnt really an issue here), but the interesting part started when i tried to find my way back home. heh. technically, i wasnt lost. i just didnt know how to get home. and i was quite far on the other side of Pretoria from where home is. so... scenario: lone asian girl in downtown African city with a disconcerting lack of afrikaaners (whites). problem: getting home. see, i couldnt just cross the street & take a taxi back the way i came because, it was a one-way street that kind of turned back into town, plus, taxis that go one way, dont necessarily follow the same route BACK.....

ok back to the events that followed. i decided i had time, so i started walking around the streets, soaking in the atmosphere. after buying a random apple, some nectarines and 2 peaches from 3 street vendors who didnt know where i could reboard a taxi towards hatfield (home), i decided to stop wandering and GET. HOME. boarded the next taxi i saw, and asked for hatfield. driver shakes head. sunnyside? yes, nods head. *or so i thought. i get in with another 2 ladies, we're getting the fare together, and then driver shakes his head and drops us all off at a sort of taxi-transfer point. he tells us to go into the front taxi. i get in, and after 15min of waiting for it to fill up (taxis mostly only leave once they're full), i decide to ask a fellow passenger. and he tells me this taxi is going to marabastad! (some distance OUT of TOWN). wrong taxi. i get off, and walk down a little. then i see a lady taxi driver & ask her, how to get to hatfield. she says, just wait a minute, another taxi will come along & i can get in. but she also says, sweetie, come sit inside while you wait. so, yes, of course, why not, the sun is burning outside. and the 1 minute becomes 10, 10min eventually lasts 1.5 hours as her taxi fills up. i ask her if the taxi is coming, she says, yes she'll take me to where i can catch a direct one home. eventually, she drops me off at another(!) taxi-transfer area, this time, in a section of town that i recognise as somewhere the brazilian guys & i were told to turn around and go back. (not the safest place really). but she tells one of the guys she apparently knows my problem, drops me off and says, he'll take care of u.. he gave me directions to get to church square nearby. i wasnt afraid, but my defenses were up and i think he could see it.. so he said, eish, i walk you. very near! i asked if i had to pay, and he didnt answer (next time, i know better) but well, he did walk me, and i did feel safe having a guide through this part of town. eventually when he got me into the right taxi, i was going to give him a R5 tip. but guess what? he said R30! like.. WHAT? R30 for YOU offering to walk <200m with me?? ... seriously. but, anyway, he was very persistent & i didnt want to start a scene there, so heck, R30. there u go. and then, nevermind, he asked R30 and a drink!! i told him, no i dont have a drink. he says, yes, R8 to buy a drink.. NO! i show him i only have coins left to pay my fare, and he sees me count R9 fare out and i have R1.50 coins left & he takes all of it.....
one thing about africans is that, THEY ARE NOT SHY. (this is just one incident).

well, anyway, we're waiting for this taxi to fill up again, and the girl next to me asks if my impromptu guide helped me to carry anything. i tell her what happened and she just shakes her head, says i'm a lakoha ("white" person) and laughs. then she explains its common that these self-employed street-guys dont rob u illegally, they do daylight robbery.haha! i was so amused by the way she put it. eventually, we talked about other things & by the time i got dropped off outside my house, i had a new friend from Tshwane University of Technology (TUT). haha. eggciting day eh!

took a nap when i got home, just because i could. and then got a lift from mary-lou to church. took some photos and came home to sleep off the adrenaline+latenights. its gonna be hard to match up to the standard set by wednesday happenings.

but today (thursday), i cooked an awesome singapore dinner for the housemates (+1 and -1) and then had a nice night out. i wonder what today (friday) brings. day 40. i need to remember to pay my housing bill though. and hopefully, by saturday, i get on my way to polokwane in limpopo! preferably no adventures, just a very uneventful getaway, i hope. heh. ok, its late. time to enjoy sleeping in cold weather (its like winter all over again!!! crazy weather. it was insanely hot just 2 days ago!)

almost there!!!

just oneeee more. just ONE more exam to.... ok. let me just keep the train of thought at one more exam. although i really dont know how the module credit counting thing will work out. because it is sooo messed up (mostly my fault, should have pushed really hard to take socialwork 320 instead of 220.). but anyway, its a bit too late, and i'll just see how it goes. its not as if it is a potential-life-changing situation.

other updates, i. am. so. gonna. miss. this. place! blah. 6 weeks left. <1week in pretoria.
the purple jacaranda flowers have gone, and the trees are green again. on one hand, it looks normal and doesnt look so other-worldly anymore, on the other, the purple made it look like dreamland which was quite awesome. (: so, just like everything good and bad, time passes.

[eish, i sound so... mellow!] but its likely that this partly due to the lack of stress here. heh. what can i say, its a good life now.

welldone, me, welldone.

i have this uncanny ability to put myself in fixes. its like a superpower that i dont want to have.

today, i sat for monetary economics. which, given the amount of studying i did in preparation for this paper, i should have aced. it wasnt a difficult paper. in fact, it was easy. questions were direct derivations from the notes. and in one of the very few occasions in my life of economics, i actually understood all the long picture-like formulas. i really did. and whilst studying for this, i felt accomplished.
but, you see, brains do not behave sometimes. out of the 3 40-mark questions, i screwed up 2. the first one, i totally forgot how to derive, mathematically, the formula for variance. this happened in step 3. and because, its a math rule, there's just no way to crap an answer out. the second question, i had all the factors understood and organised, but somehow, when i wrote my answer, i had to add arrows all over the page. left, right, center. seriously. the essay looked more like a graph.

the one time that the paper affords me the chance to feel hardworking & accomplished, i end up feeling like a dumbass. a really dumb dumbass...... i hope i at least get a 50%.

event number 2. complacency kills. one component of the freshman module in social work is group work practice. i took an entire semester of this course in NUS just last semester, and despite the nightmares that the module posed, managed to get the elusive A. (point is, i studied like a dog for that module, not that i got an A). but well, i would say because of my overconfidence in the "oh-i've-done-this-before-reviewing-it-should-be-easy" feeling, i am now quite screwed. just read through the 5x 1hr lectures worth of notes, and i realised i have a whole ton of work to do tonight.

very very very good. pride, in any form, is never good. i obviously took a bit too much pride in all that hard work... i am paying the price tonight. yay me. but it sounds like a better title, "the price of pride"... yes? hahaha. ohwell. better to learn the lesson here than back home. i hope i pass tomorrow.

oh. and another thing of my making, my dad and brothers' SA excursion = 31 days.
as opposed to 15 days. welldone, really.

other than all this nonsense that i get myself into, it was a good day. the housemates are a fun & entertaining bunch. (including the unofficial guy housemate and excluding the noncommunalfriendly one). and shep makes the bestestbest cappucino ever. (: i'd say it even beats starbucks awesome toffeenutlattes.

ok, rant's over. unfiltered because my brain is in shutdownblogger&startmugging mode. heh.

today is defined as sucky. - if there is even such a word.

ohwell. i give up trying to make all these things work. whatever happens will happen. God's in control of whatever the month turns out to be. bleah.

travelling 1.5months in southern africa would be awesome by myself and with the random people i'd have met along the way. but now, its a whole bag of mixed feelings. of course i'm excited. i get to see capetown again, to meet with friends one more time, to do all the awesome activities.. who wouldnt be? when i'm not studying, my brain is running wild with the possibilities. but then, there's my dad and my brother. that complicates things a little. ....... i'll see how it goes. & there's always a really tiny chance the old plan would work. but then again, the chance is about as big as the probability of winning the lottery. so, keywords. we. will. see.

monetary economics AND social work exam tomorrow. sianz. cant wait for it to be done with. but, then again, i think i wouldnt mind if it had dragged on longer. it wouldnt have meant the end of my sep...

oh. and the countdown has been reset. i arrive home on the 28th december instead of the 18th. blessing in disguise maybe. we.will.see.

south africa is seriously being so... africa.

this trip is turning out to be the most flexi-sched trip i have ever taken. ever. plans here are like water! every.single.thing. its not a bad thing & i've learnt a lot from all this wishy-washy solid-but-not-solid plan-changes-every-day 7 months. but i will be glad to have a routine once again.

unless of course, my newfound flexibility and willingness to submit to God's will just means that this flexi-7months is just the start of the rest of my life. scary thought right there. but like all the flexi-plans, scary AND exciting. who better to trust for my life plans than God anyway right?

first step is done with. i'm in south africa & its unbelievable. this is the n-th step: trusting God for an amazing holiday to end off my time here. i think i am spending Christmas here. i think.

i started exams today. and it doesnt even feel like exam season! i still have time to skype, chill over american dinners of BLTs and french toast, catch greys (which was awesome this week btw: AFRICA FTW! malawiiiiii... see. that was another plan). ohwellz. one down, 5 more to go. hello exams.

and there has been a lack of picture updates because, well, i still do not have a laptop adapter and its seriously hindering my ability to edit photos!!! ): this sucks. but, that means i have more things to do when i get back home. which, is probably a good thing anyway! (: so... here's to a good week!

its funny how things turn out..

some thoughts today:
i wonder what tomorrow will be like. will it be a "yes" to the most awesome holiday ever?
i miss what yesterday was. or at least, i think i miss it. and well, not just literally yesterday, but yesterdays.

its funny. just how some words by certain people can trigger memories and emotions.. and of course, some extent of curious regret. fb sucks because it keeps you more connected to your past than you'd like to be. the good memories, one will always keep. its the bad ones that we dont need reminders of, but its the bad ones that keep popping up on these so-called networking sites. yes, maybe i'm just taking it out on fb. but, underlying it all, i hate that sometimes there is just nothing one can do. that doesnt bug me much anymore, but i need to remember that God is greater than all of this. and i am actually better off without this friendship. its surprising, and its liberating, but it is also one regret in a list of many.

on a lighter note. i am looking forward to the possibilities that tomorrow brings. ((((: or just a slight (:
because, tomorrow, my stay in SA will be extended by at least 7 days and i might be so amazingly blessed. might. keyword there. oh, and i get to finish off my fling with international economics too. never.ever.going.to.touch.a.subject.on.trade.again. it drives me insane! i just need a 50% on tomorrow's test. i've already got 41% of the grade in the bag, i just need another 10% out of this 25% to pass. just 40marks.



oh boyy....



cant wait for the holidays. and my random trip up to Limpopo with mountains, endless hiking trails and just some alone time with God. it should be safe. i hope. heh. and i also cannot wait to get home and say hi to everyone again. (: i think 7 months is actually a long time! maybe once i'm 30 and i've lived overseas for 4 years, i wont say its long, but now, i'm only 21 and this is my longest time away from home. so, yes, as of now, 7 months is l.o.n.g. but 23 hours is longer. and i need to finish studying international ecs first.

SA... so full of surprises.

my south african experience gets more interesting every.single.day.

lets start with the toilet. so, the non-communal-habit-friendly housemate has always been using the toilet near my end of the house. there's another one thats in the middle and very much nearer to her room, but for some reason, she prefers the one that 3 of us already share. maybe it smells nicer? heh. anyway, so i get home from Botswana on wednesday afternoon, and i am greeted with a sign on the toilet door, requesting a common courtesy - flush the toilet after use!! (i'll post a photo soon)... seriously.. just gotta love the ingenuity of my housemates sometimes. its so, in. your. face. but, its apparently not enough because, as i commended  the note's author, she told me to hold it because, it has not worked.
i always thought it was a china-thing(no offense, just that the china toilets left quite an impression). but looks like it extends beyond culture. and its getting on my nerrrrrvesss. and yes, food is still going faster than i eat them. just a few more weeks.

interesting development #2. zambia&malawi plans are out of the window for good. and whole new plan is in place. point to note is that it happened in a verry short window of time. more specifically, during a family conference call with 4 people in 3 countries on 2 continents and 1+ hour. so...  results = i get to stay another 8 dayz in this awesome country... side effect, but then.. i guess, God is still in control no matter what comes up. sighz. enter in the eternal and well, whats for sure is that its going to be an awesome month. (after these darned exams are done with!)

oh, and #3, i got a freaking 94% for a test that i barely studied for. HAHAHA. joke of the semester seriously. semester mark of 80%. yay. (: lesser stress for one more subject i guess!

with some murutis in botswana.

aiyaiyaiyaiyai.. time is passing way tooo fast!!!
i havent done so many things and exams are bearing down on me! i'm worried for some, and not so for others, but they all seem to pale in comparison to the fact that i have not booked ANY-SINGLE-THING-FOR-MY-TRIP.. the most important tickets are actually from whoknowswhere to Pretoria.. and from Pretoria to whoknowswhere(2). but then again, the name whoknowswhere, says a lot about the amount of planning i have done. c.r.a.p.z.

but anyway, whatever happens will happen, and its an adventure no matter where.. decisions. eastlondon, beach,  and all the awesome water-related activities. (safe ones without a risk of contracting some disgusting disease).. or more time in southern africa like malawi & zambia where the people arent the danger, but the water is (google bilharzia to find out more). eiisshh.

ohwell... an update. i'm back from botswana! (: basically, it was almost like a scouting-trip for Ps M. & his wife M. to check out the place and do some preparatory groundwork before they move there to plant a church next year. Ps S. who's the missions director for greatergrace came along as well as 3 other pastors. so... i went with quite an amazing group of people.. and i was so blessed by it. for one, they are heeeelarious. like, seriously jaw-dropping-did-he-just-say-that kind of comments/antics. for another, they really love God and the Bible. and they are very encouraging and willing to teach (well, comes with being a pastor), but really an amazing bunch. a few days of fellowship & travel with a kombi full of muruti-s(pastor in tshwane), i am amazed at the diversity. and the non-conventionality of them.
the lead pastor, a knife-wielding and knife-throwing old guy with a bad knee & a unfiltered mouth who quotes bible references faster than u can write, one who teaches kids how to make farting sounds with their armpits, squeaks out worship songs just for fun but teaches so well and edifies people, another who (coming from Zambia) disses southafrican blacks(another pastor) in a quiet, gentle way and yet confronts people with the gospel so directly, yet another who (because of the runs) farts nonstop & unashamedly calls it spreading the love but who pastors the local church with so much dedication and the last one, a humongous giant of a pastor who spouts hilarious one-liners like a tap and yet is so detailed and so gentle when it comes to teaching.

i dont regret going one bit. the things we did there were amazing as well. and i just love that city. and i love how i feel so loved by God on this trip & all that He has taught me. but let me introduce one of the muruti here. he's the main guy. the grandfather who dotes on his grandchild that he intends to buy her a pink umbrella off the next person in the street, the confrontational pastor at the pulpit who doesnt bother to sugarcoat his condemnation of wrongdoers, the ex-drugaddict who teaches about the love and finished work of Christ, the man who uprooted his entire family (wife & kids) and moved to Ghana to plant a church not knowing the next step, the irreverent guy who doesnt respect anything but truth and calls gay-people "fags" over international radio and the highly-revered man who hates recognition other than that given to God who's called the lion of Africa because of the >190 churches that exist in Africa because he followed God's leading. and also the pastor who buys walking sticks with knives in them, who uses his walking stick to hit the girls' heads and pushes handbags off seats and who stabs at bread and magazines.

quite a character huh? i hope i portrayed him correctly, but it was an amazing time travelling with him and learning at all his devotions and reps (kind of like biblestudy sessions). oh. and i just have to mention, his idea of pranks is kind of warped: the day before he got married, he backed his truck into his wife-to-be's clubhouse and stole everything, he took out all the tires of (according to him) 18 police cars when he ended up with 18 parking tickets (for parking outside his house). oh, yes, and he literally screams my name yiii(drag)iiii(builduppower)NG!(shouting). i'm quite glad i'm an unknown in africa.. and now, i really wonder, what did/does God have in mind when He put me on this trip?

life is..

...good. the greatergrace conference has been such a blessing. the people are awesome & i love them already. the pastors are hilarious. seriously ps jeff x100. but they also speak the truth.

...unpredictable. i will be going to gaborone for 4 days.... and 4 days later i write (this is what they call sitting for exams). i'm excited and yet, anticipative-apprehensive. its been a while since i've been the youngest & most inexperienced on a trip. but i think its going to be quite a ride. (with a fun factor for sure! unlike spring break...)

...bringing me closer to the day i leave. i touchdown in singapore in 48 days. and today (its after 12am) the 31st of Oct, marks the start of my last 45days here. c.r.a.p.z. but i also miss people (& my dog), and i've just about reached my close-shaves limits..... there's just enough space left for the solo trip up (and down again) southern africa, but after that.... i think i'm going to be quite happy with routine for a while...... i hope.

okay. time to pack, sleep and embark on an adventure.

so. its the countdown.

today's the end of my 48th day in Africa.

and i am going to gaborone after all. super last minute.... i am skipping classes in the last week of school. ant it is just 4 days before exams. and <2 weeks before i leave pretoria (on what i hope, will be an awesome solo trip!) and i am going to have an amaazing time. (:

i just cannot believe this is ending so quickly. hard to imagine packing and leaving! but first, i must figure out how to get to Malawi from Pretoria. by bus. alone. heh. :D egggciting.
its been an awesome day. time to sleep now and get recharged for a day at 2 different townships tomorrow. one day at a time. just one day; 24 hours; and then tomorrow i'm off to Gaborone (capital of Botswana). goodnight world!

this it the time of times.

time is flying.

i may or may not be headed to botswana. i may or may not be skipping 4 entire days of classes (last class before school ends even!). i may or may not be utterly insane, travelling 4 days before exams. and i may or may not be travelling alone through southern africa. we will see. this is the SEP.

but ironically, if botswana happens, it may just be the perfect example to typify my time in southafrica. (: skipping lessons > sleeping in lessons, flexi-time/sched at its best (or maybe i've yet to see the ultimate flexi-time), and church. i love how i'm able to let studies take a backseat in preference of, say, a good night out, conferences & raps that span an entire week of submissions, a quiet afternoon at the lake, or even just 2 hours more of sleep. heh. i'm a sucker for snoozy mornings.

mzanzi conference 2010. God is greater.
something i need to keep in mind when i go home.

botswana will happen if it happens. but for now, i'm going to enjoy my awesome weekend with greatergrace in the townships. and get myself a nice serving of pap, gravy and meat tomorrow maybe. (im hungry.)

STUCK.

its been a very random & awesome tuesday. (and blogger's time/date setting is messed up, its not on sg time nor is it on SA time.) lastminute & random trip to joburg with m-l. saw an amazing lightning storm, loaded a huge sofa into a bakkie, went out for chinese food, and the one day that i could sleep early, my brain decided to run at topspeed & i lay awake, in bed, until a freaking 5am. seeeeeriously, i just want to unplug my brain sometimes. and today was, well, a very conflicted, but blessed one still.

somewhere between the wrong and the right.
somewhere between the darkness and the light.
somewhere between who i was and who you're making me.
somewhere in the middle, you'll find me.

with eyes wide open to the differences,
the god we want and the God who is,
but will we trade our dreams for His?
are we caught in the middle?

because i am. or rather, my flesh is. i'm stuck. somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more. its such a huge opportunity. and exciting too. but i know where i am supposed to be. problem is, for the third time, i feel sooo attracted to it that i feel i will regret this or that my life will be characterised by a series of could-have-beens. but that was just my carnal self talking, i see that now. not that it makes things any easier..... (because i wish knowing it would make things easier!)

2 of my econs mates are going & we only found out after the list was released. and then, i checked the list of companies available. and things went downhill from there. went home to nap & think about it, and this song really spoke to me... my dreams for God's plans. am i willing? sometimes, for me, direct questions are key. pft. today makes me wonder how many more times i have to say NO. no. no. N.O. *brain, did u get that? N. O. NO. stop running wild now! NO.*

quite an exhausting day, but met thloki & molly for coffee in school. and it was so great listening & learning. i hope greatergrace will eventually come to sg. they resemble the church in Acts (noted by another visitor, but something i fully agree with). now, time to pack my room & catch up on that elusive sleep. its a long day of project discussion tomorrow. eishhh.

36hours of awesomeness.

today was a day that seems to summarise my exchange program here. haha! it all started on sunday when i first exited from lalaland.. it was almost 1pm. snoozed & enjoyed the cool weather & my pillow until i decided it was time to move my lazy ass outta bed.. but then, i didnt & ended up chatting online to deb & xin until the laptop batt died on me. then it was really time to get out of bed. did a teeny bit of work and then it was time to go to church. (: i will seriously miss it.... but anyway, after a leisurely dinner, i started on my work. photos, group assignmt and studying for a test. that, and a very long conversation on skype kept me up until the birds started chirping at 5am and the sun rose....

so, in order to make sure i stayed awake throughout the day, i went for a morning run. amazing eh! i loved it, although i will never ever ever get out of bed to RUN. (those were cedar days when i had to get up at 730am for training every saturday morning....) aaanyway, came home, did more work, changed the sheets, finished my part & went for my test. i hope can pass at least. after international ecs, made plans with my friend to go to malawi!! (((: cannoooot wait. i really hope it happens. then, at night, amusing part was watching my housemate change rooms & plan her room. lots of nonsense ensued. including stuff like picking a lock just so that i can open up an extra door in my room for ventilation haha. & we ended up rearranging my room as well..

it felt a bit like home once again, with people telling me what to do. (i.e. doing it like xin's bossy style of shopping). then, late night supper at macs, and because a certain housemate was there, we went for a beer. but also because of that certain housemate, we all got shots for free. and sooo, i am back home now, insanely exhausted & armed with the knowledge that i will sleep very well tonight. but i am updating this space just because it would be fun to call it a 36hour day. (:

i'm satisfied now. goodnight world.

an overdue update.

it is what it is.
a. long. overdue. (and more organised) update of all the nonsense that i got up to over a very happening spring break. (: it was a trip of many firsts. and of course, manymany exciting (more like DUMB, when i finally see this trip from in hindsight). i've got quite a few short interrupted spurts of stories here and there thus far and its going to be impossible to list them all down (plus the stupid comments i've heard!). so this is a short overview of the awesomest (and some of the dumbest) things i have seen, heard and did. (:

so, 4 guys and me jump into a tiny car 2 days before spring break officially starts, and we head off into the unknown territory of Southern Africa, Botswana & Zimbabwe with no plan except a map, a return date, and 3 destinations. that very long sentence i just typed contains so much more experience than i can ever express. amazing huh.

to be honest, it wasnt the best trip i've taken. i've been to more and less exciting places, travelled with more and less planning, but this was, i would say, special. partly because i guess i'm a teeny bit more mature, somewhat more observant and accepting of people, and a whole lot more flexi-time/schedule. these were probably why the trip came out well overall. but the experiences were so.ultra.freaking.cool! before i get into details, these are some of the highlights/eggciting/cool stuff that happened.

the victoria falls. one of the seven wonders of the world. it. was. breath. take. ing. seriously. Great barrier reef is awesome and yes, i've never seen the other 7 natural wonders, but this was.... (i wont ruin it with my description). we spent a day on the Zimbabwean side. and i'm veryvery set on getting back there and into the Zambian side to swim in the (very aptly named) Devil's Pool. [parenthesis: seeing that made me think of how Satan tried to tempt Jesus to throw Himself off the cliff and how he misquoted scripture]. that was just incredible.
Zimbabwe - Gwanga:  accommodation "crisis" (according to the dutchboys)
Zimbabwe - Vic Falls: typical msian-style bribery on the roads, encountering the terms "forgetment fee" for certain "grass products", x2 wedding proposals in 1 night (heeelarious!),
Botswana - Maun: teaching the boys how to be a little smarter and ask for directions, campfire: getting initiated to the rites of outdoor fires & getting burnt.
Okavango delta: mokoro trail (its a traditional canoe), elephants up closee, REAL camping, hippo which was a bit tooo close for comfort (!!), trekking through the bush at 5.30am in the morning.
Francistown: wandering around town alone taking photos and getting threatened, talking & drinking with some smart and not-so-smart people.
Gaborone: william (awesome kid whose dad gave me & shane free accommodation), climbing huge rocks. oh, and achievement of the trip: seeing one little dutch boy learn how to ask for directions! hehh.

the trip wasnt ultrasuperduper fun. but it was amusing. the dutch boys unknowingly provided me with a lot of amusement. another conversation i cannot forget:
L: "oh, nooo, i travel a lot..at least 2 to 3 months every year i'm travelling.."
me: "i see, where to?" (at this point, i am truly interested in what he's saying. its still early in the trip)
L: "spain, italy, names about x number of countries in europe."
me: "wow, thats a lot of europe.. but outside europe?"
L: "nah, this is my first time in another continent"
me: "ARE YOU SERIOUS?"
L: "yeah.. *looks surprised* why? europe is very different!"
....
conversation goes on while he tries to explain how different europe is, (i believe him on that point and i know i need to go to europe soon), but eventually, my brain shuts down with the thought, oh my goodness! and conversation dies off because L has "won" the point/argument/conversation (whatever that exchange of words was.) ok, honestly, first few days, that was just plain annoying. especially when he tried to argue with me about photo pixels & the rule of thirds. but then, once i realised (it did take a while) his style, it started to become really really amusing. shane told me he played games with them, arguing from yes, and to a no, and they'd oppose him just as vehemently. see what i mean by amusing??

photoblog update HERE. (:

anyway, just to explain this long post: i am procrastinating yet again. leopards dont change their spots...

stop time, STOP!!

wow. its been a heck of a week.
there's actually so much i've seen, heard, done & learnt that i dont think i could ever write it all down. even if i wanted to. need to keep these memories fresh & assign key words to them so that i can actually remember all that happens. i dont even know where to start when i blog!
it feels like its been a major week. well, i guess in terms of learning & thinking, it has been. because, honestly, i have not been doing much. i like it this way though.. well, then again, who doesnt? i've spent the last few days in spurts of seclusion and company. both of which, i've enjoyed immensely. which is not always the case especially when it comes to people. good times.
i've also been taking stock of my 4+ months here because, its sinking in that we are all leaving too soon. 2 of the group have left already. and i have only a month of school (and exams!) left in this city...would be awesome to be able to stay until february like what isa is doing. but, life as an nus student beckons once more.
there is so much more to say, but i dont know where i should start.
like, spring break recap and all the other things happening, but i will end this post with a question that, to me, sums up the people-aspect of springbreak quite accurately. L: "so, what type of chinese is she? japan chinese or asia chinese?" (i am not kidding! HAHA. this still cracks me up.)

another day, another story.

today's story is about refrigerator quibbles. sounds interesting hey. lets just call everyone in the house w,x,y &z. oh yes, and there's me. (:

so last night, i came home to find a note on the refrigerator by w, saying, "GIRLIES", could we not set the fridge thermostat to such a low temp because "my stuff keeps freezing >insert sad smiley here<". and it ended with a great big THANKS!! >insert smiley here<. keep in mind, its summer now and its h-o-t. ok, i will keep my neutrality here because it is just so amusing. but this morning, i find ANOTHER note! written on the bottom by x, which went something like, could we also wash the dishes after using them and eat ONLY the food that you buy. Thanks, x. talk about being direct! thats not the end of it.. our friend y, poured out her entire thoughts on paper & wrote an essay about guidelines and suggested rules on community-living. sometimes i love some of my housemates! (:

and if anyone is wondering, z and me are staying the heck out of this. no. way. i. am. getting. involved. no. way. but, well, w found a bone to pick with y, and guess what she suggested? *drumroooll* HOUSE MEETING. about what? THE FRIDGE TEMPERATURE?! seriously, never in my entire life could i have imagined i came all the way to south africa to experience one of the many joys of communal living - having a house meeting to agree on the temperature setting of the fridge. i am half ultra-amused and half ultra-exasperated. these few weeks are going to be interesting. especially since w gets really stressed about her papers and well, this is submission season. oh. and i forgot to mention that for w, her communal-living skills are negatively correlated to her stress levels. i wonder how i will react to these house-dynamics.

personally, she's already getting on my nerves. but, anyway, house-drama aside, its been quite a happening week. i took my photo of the day today. it isnt fantastic and i'm loathe to show it, but sadly, i think i've forgotten how i used to love taking photos that told a story. now, i make photos to record memories. though they're special because of when & where they were taken, sadly enough, they dont really have any value to anyone else. i think i need to hit the "restart now" button. i have 2 more months to get this going. :D

meanwhile, from the time i spent blogging about this house-drama and watching grey's drama, my international economics project remains un-researched. but i've learnt a lot about life & people. (: so i did come to SA for studies after all, just that these are studies of people in various contexts. i.e. arrogantly ignorant europeans who dont function all that well when taken out of their uniquely different european region, blissfully or maybe, not-so-blissfully ignorant afrikaaner guys who have never taken the minitaxis but, a lot more positive lessons from people actually. (: oh and i forget, i've also learnt about a lot ignorant girls who assume something about almost anything and who finds herself in the dumbest of dumb self-created dilemmas. (i cant criticise so many people without some self-criticism too right?) but its true, and i'm all the better for it.

random, disjointed thoughts.

some very random thoughts from today.

- the housemate is back. and our house (the rest of us), is in mourning. ok, i exaggerate. she's not all that bad, really. just that she's got a few not-communal-friendly habits. like, not flushing the loo and helping herself to other people's food. and i should probably stop entertaining these thoughts..... these few months came with quite a few personalities. i.will.learn.

- i have exactly 65 days left before i leave SA.

- should probably study. i've got another test tomorrow afternoon. and bigggg deadlines coming up. not really that much different from NUS deadlines, but i feel a lot less stressed because, i'm not clawing desperately at marks for that elusive A-grade.

- it struck me today that i havent eaten out much at nice restaurants here. but i have time to catch up on that.

- the rand is appreciating against the sing dollar. or rather, the USD has depreciated against the rand, and because the sing dollar is pegged to a basket of currencies (of which includes the USD). i would be getting less rand for my dollar if not for the fact that my mom does things to the extreme. i.e. when i asked her to transfer 1k, she transferred a whole lot more, so now, i dont have to worry about exchange rates & when to pay my housing bills. funny how things work out sometimes eh?

- i want to see a shooting star!!! (random spurt of conversation overflow)

a-picture-a-day. i've yet to catch up with all the pre-Tuks pictures. & this is just a funny one for today.

another random picture of the day, just because.

dont you just love the demanding face of this baby! and her parents are such awesome people-personalities too! (:  ok, i think this post was random enough. photos of babies & failed (but funny) jumpshots, and of things ranging from economics to astrology.. its probably about time to resume my studying.

a photo a day!

i'm left with just over 2 months. and i think i've dallied long enough.
the purple trees lining the streets are just too awesome to let it go by uncaptured.
i want to make a photo a day. (:
& i hope this time, my resolution stays.
its a countdown.

post #1 here.
(:

thoughts of life. and of death.

the rainy season has started. in the whole of southern africa, the rains are a welcome phenomenon, rejuvenating a dry land where red dust and brown vegetation reign. they bring life.

i came home from spring break to a purple eden of blooming jacaranda trees. today, after the first downpour, i walked out to hatfield in the first cool night since the end of winter. i walked on roads littered with purple flowers. it was beautiful. dinner, drinks and good company made tonight great, and walking home in the cool air, it is ironic that i felt so alive. i still find it hard to believe that i am really here, and that i've been here for 4 months and counting. but back to the point of the irony of my thoughts. i promised my 2 american friends that i'd put my monetary economics knowledge to good use and get up to date with the current USD happenings (a lot has happened over the break apparently).

whilst skimming the straits times website for updates at home, 2 things in the "Most Popular" section caught my attention; the passing of lky's wife and the death of a student. talk about contrasts. so i read that a 3-year undergrad in London  has been killed in a traffic accident outside her school. for some weird plethora of reasons,  i started seeing all the (very many) similarities.. and the possibilities. i.e. of me cycling home from classes, getting into an accident along Grosvenor street, etc.

its such a wake up call, that life is just so frail. we are all living on borrowed time and by the grace and providence of God, i am somehow, still alive. sitting here, thinking, and typing. and you, reading this, and hopefully, thinking as well. only God knows how many times my life has been spared while i am blissfully ignorant of all that is going on. i could have tripped walking and fallen off the Victoria falls. (ok, this is sadistic but funny. & i am sooo capable of tripping over nothing.)

but i think, because of all the technology we control and of all the modernities around us, we forget that we are made of flesh. and blood. we forget how easy it is to stop breathing, for our hearts to stop beating, for life and activity to be stilled. for me, i'm not afraid of dying. heaven awaits. but i'm afraid to think of death because of what it means for others. i dont think of this often, but when i do, then...

anyhow, this has been a bit too much thoughts on the subject of death. this verbal diarrhea can be attributed to the context of today, and to the fact that i've just had a huge submission yesterday, and i feel, feeel only, free enough to spend time typing it out. i think its a bout of pensiveness that hopefully, will result in some change, but if not, at the very least, tire my brain out so that i can sleep. its been underused today. the sleep is setting in just about now.

goodnight world
 if i wake up tomorrow, it is to live, and fight another day,
all  for God's glory.
i should keep that in mind more often actually.

monkey see, monkey (try to) do.

monkeys are smart creatures.

and sometimes, i underestimate them a little too much.

this monkey was drinking from the water cooler!! & he refused to budge! i came to within an arm's length of him!

and, here is a short little picture story of my encounter with the monkeys at the victoria falls (this will be entertaining for those of you who're reading this! but i'm just really glad it wasnt a re-enactment of regina's encounter in cape town!)



This is what i was so intensely looking at (and anticipating their movements)

and this was what was happening!


monkey: HMM. WHAT IS THIS??

Monkey: she looks oblivious, i think its safe to touch!

STILL oblivious. dont ask me how... i still dont know!



thought leon was taking a picture. well, he WAS... but for reasons that i only realised AFTER!

talk about being pre-occupied eh...

a beautiful home.

a picture of me on the mountaintop with my camera. i like this muchhh. (:
quite aptly describes where i am in life and with God these few months.
but today, i need to rush my take home test like mad. and i am lostttttt. so, i will update the story behind this picture (and the many other stories that i owe) tomorrow, when the madness subsides for a while. another 2 hour night ahead.. eish! is it!

but i've come home from spring break into a purple eden. (: the jacaranda flowers are in bloom. think tree-lined avenues filled with lavender-purple instead of the usual green. its beautiful!

S.B. 1: the border nightmare

i dont want to enforce stereotypes here, but this definitely deserves a mention! crossing from the South African border into Zimbabwe took us the better part of 5 hours, and involved lots and lots and lots of waiting, corrupted officials, redtape and queue-cutters.

this is the immigrations tent where we went to get our passports stamped. its super easy to slip past the border! when we needed the car registration paper to be faxed over to us (long story), we already had SA departure stamps in our passports, but we were still waiting and having lunch in a small town about 4km away from the border.

the STOP sign really characterised our entry to Zimb. we were at this sign on 3 separate occasions. this was taken when we FINALLY had everything we needed (after 5 hours).

the car inspection office. and its not a temporary office, contrary to what i believed when i first saw it.

the sign at this building is just for show. this building wasnt for customs nor anything! i dont know what it was for because there were counters, and empty seats. we were directed to the tents which was fully staffed. i.e. 3 border control officers and 3 computers with passport scanning devices.

amazing start to my journey!
more pictures to come.

i digress.

i am back from spring break! the kalahari desert experience did not materialise, but those days turned out to be the most fun! this trip encompassed amazement, wonder, excitement, adrenaline, meaning and a very full meaning of LIVING LIFE.

but, before i elaborate, or rather, before i let the pictures speak for themselves. i need to get this off my chest.

i thought i settled my thoughts and desires of travelling even more next year. i thought i came to a decision  that glorifies God and that i was at peace with. i thought that once i committed all these desires of adventure and experience and people to God, these wouldnt tempt me anymore. i thought i was ready to go home and serve God in where He has already placed me. i talked, i thought a lot, and i prayed a lot more. but now, once again, i am so utterly torn between this decision i have to make. and i dont have much time to make it.

its all too easy for Robert Frost to write about taking the road less travelled. i thought i knew where my heart lay and what i would forgo to reach my vision and attain those goals. and yet, in 12 days and through many conversations, i've returned from spring break with a changed perspective. suddenly, its not so clear anymore. i've waded into waist-deep water, muddied it and unmuddied it, lost and found my goals, but now i'm back at square one, smack in the middle of cloudy water yet again. i dont know if i've even gone an inch deeper or if i've maybe, taken a stride backwards. what God says about this, i dont know yet. because this tsunami of feelings and reflection took less than an hour (as of now) to flood my thoughts.

i came to the lab wanting to blog a tiny bit about the roadtrip and intending to spend the better part of 3 hours on my monetary economics paper. but that has just gone out the window because of the time i spent staring blankly with my mind running at who knows how many miles an hour. tonight's not going to be a night of much sleep. but i know what i must do. and that gives me some hope that i will make the right decisions soon.

BOTSWANA

in botswana now and back from the okavango delta where we camped for 3 days! its been an awesome ride thus far.
we drove for an entire day, spent 6hours at the Zimbabwean border and stayed the night in a tiny town, drove another full day and FINALLY, we got to the victoria falls town. the vic falls was ABSOLUTELY BREATHTAKING... and part 2 is coming to an end, camping in the okavango delta with hippos & elephants close by and a whole lot of other awesome stuffs.. and who knows what part 3 will bring in the Kalahari?
and the weird crazy amazing thing about technology is that i was ALWAYS contactable with my Singapore number.. even in the delta. ahwelll.... going to do some planning later. & committed it to God, so i know, either way, it WILL go well. :D

on my way to Zimbabwe!

the worry-er in me is showing through again. but i think africa's a great place to tone down this particular trait of mine.... OHWELLZ. I IS EXCITED. (:

my 13-day adventure starts tomorrow!! small subset of my 7-month adventure here, but still major awesomeness. i dont know if i'll get lost somewhere, but like i was telling cheryl today, getting lost is in my genes. getting found, on the other hand, is a totally different question.. one thing though, my work is travelling with me. tonzzz of readings to do! and assignments due on the day i get back! achhh....

on a lighter note, i have a mascot now. hehe. because i dont always have the opportunity to make nice photos with me in them, i bought a little anteater (i'm actually not sure if africa has anteaters, but there wasnt much of a choice) to put in my photos! (: a lion would have been so much more apt, but i dont know where mr lion is!! i havent seen him since pre-UGC days.

goodbye to everyone who reads this! (: i'll update a sentence or two if i get the chance, but if not, hello again on the 4th (or later) of October! hoorraaaayy! (:

blessed be Your name,
in the land that is plentiful,
where the streams of abundance flow,
blessed be Your name!

too often i've put the lyrics of this song in a negative tone, but this season is a season of refreshing and of learning to walk ever closely with God in the lush meadows. (not that africa is lush, but...)

hello holiday!

policiespoliciespolicies.

i have been in the computer lab for almost 12 hours now. apart from 2 meal breaks (of 2slices of bread with jam and a cup of hot chocolate) and 1 short session of tabletennis with isa, claudia, anna and shane, i have been staring at documents and statistics the entire day! oh. yes, and of course. the ultra long chats on fb with various people (that helped make my day). but now, i feel so brain dead that i get confused while writing!

this is what i ought to have been doing, bulgaria - monetary policy. south africa - trade policy, not industrial policy. but.. every now and then, i catch myself drifting off and i start reading articles on bulgaria's industrial & trade policy, looking for statistics on South Africa's industrial policy (which i do not need now because i've done my assignment for tomorrow) and all sorts of rubbish in between. i. am. confused.

oh. but it does not help that the club next to tuksdorp (the residences) was blasting techno & all that club-ish music until 4am. it wasnt so bad when i was doing my work in the lab until 2am, but at 2.30, i gave up and called the police. 10111. well, i got through on the 3rd try and made a report (its illegal noise pollution after 12midnight) and i waited. and read. and waited. and tried to sleep. nothing happens. the music continues driving me nuts. so i call again at 3.30am, and guess what, this is africa! police lines can be engaged for more than 10minutes!! yes, i was overdoing it and calling for 10minutes straight, but...uhm. if i were in an emergency, i dont think the police are going to be the first people i call. anyway, i eventually get through, ask for an update & find out that my report doesnt exist, but someone else by the name of leonard has made a report! wow, or WOW. ok, so the dispatch says (again) they're sending someone to check it out, but nothing happens until exactly 3.59am. i assume the club closed & the police didnt make it there. but such SILENCE.

sometimes south africa can just drive you nuts. i am quite happy i live in singapore. after 10pm, NO LOUD MUSIC. stupid clubs. oh. but then again, when i'm here, there's nothing stopping me from belting that place with rotten eggs & expired milkbombs if they do this again.. heh.

police are not very effective here, just like their policies.
2 days to ROADTRIP! (: but 2 very very very busy days. sighz.

the weekend is here!

i've never felt so excited about every tiny thing that happens routinely in my life! realise that here, i'm going, YAY i see green leaves! great sunny day! nice breeze! love the shade! its time for class! dinner! blue skies! trip to the mall! weekend! ohh, bird! everything! like! this! tiring. but so amazing. haha. & its the weekend! (! again).

had myself a really nice friday.. albeit very unproductive. but i splurged at a christian bookstore. crapz. got myself 3 new (and cheaP!) books... need.to.stop.doing.that. & today, going to watch a rugby game (how can i be in south africa and not watch rugby right)... so yes, even though i've only had like 4hours of sleep, i still need to finish my assignments (ARGGGGH) with a dying battery (ARRRGGH) and go watch rugby & etcetcetc..and then! on wednesday, i leave for zimbabwe! (will be contactable with my singapore number because south african sim cards dont have such thing as auto-roaming & coverage is only within south africa)

but. first, ass.sign.ment!!

ugh. its interesting but all the numbers are driving me nutsss... 

as of today, i'm left with exactly 3 months here. it'll pass too quickly & i'll enjoy it while it lasts. but i feel ready to go home to my normal weekend schedule... 

ironies.

well. its been a long day. & i think i deserve to go to bed early tonight. but i'm here being hardworking & pushing out assignments. when i say here, i'm actually at the residences' computer room at 12.07am. sighz.

#1. today, when i dragged myself up for a morning class (like FINALLY), i am greeted by an empty classroom. well... its not uncommon here, so i make a friend with another lost student and we walk out nonchalantly wondering what update we missed.. i dont know where class is, or if there is even a class! ohwell. i will see on friday. if it gets too bad, i'll probably email the prof.

#2. i photocopy a textbook.. and now i dont know where it is. i think its at the +27 cafe & i hope shep (the barista who makes the most amazing cappucinos & my favorite americano) has it.. it would be retarded if i had to send it for photocopying AGAIN.

#3. my laptop adapter (which was fixed, or so i thought) throws out sparks & i tried to get it fixed again, but i'm told its best if i buy a new one. retarded thing is, my dad has so many spares at home! why couldnt it wait a liiiittle longer before it died! so, i might be getting a new one, or i might be sharing one with my housemate. her HP adapter died on her too!! (its not just me..) maybe its like a worldwide conspiracy thingy. you never know.

#4. best one of all. i email my dad an update, saying that i'm fine etcetc, and i just got a reply asking when i'll be going to china. my brother is going for 10 days in dec, my dad is going for the entire of dec.. and so, guess who's going to be there to fetch me from the airport when i return??? and its from my longest trip (thus far). win.

interesting life here ah. & its mexico's 200th annivesary of independence today. tequila & crazy mexican friends to round it off. its getting hotter each day, i cant even tahan wearing JEANS. (and i'm comfortable in jeans in singapore weather!) at least its not humid & i dont sweat. wonder how summer will be like though. its only spring & leaves are sprouting up overnight! the brown landscape is turning really green, & the rains havent even arrived!